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is what the part of me i call my disease tells me is waiting if i ever really look deep down inside myself. and since that part of me uses FEAR, UNCERTAINTY and DOUBT to prevent me from living and growing, when i hear that voice i know that i am on the right track.
so what is keeping me from moving forward on this current fourth step? well, i would love to say it was not FUD, and the rationalizations fly off the shelf every time i consider writing. stuff like i have no resentments, i work a tenth step, i am far too busy living, i am in the best shape i have ever been in ...
so what is probably going on is the dread of finding out that i am not as nearly complete as i want to believe, after all who wants to find out what a sick fuck they are, certainly not me!
will i write today after being prodded by the daily meditation? perhaps, the day is long enough for me to do so. at least i have started thinking about the topic again and have a current notion in my head that there is probably not a bottomless pit to be explored -- after all i am not that bad really! or am i?
HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!
time will tell! off to the races!

∞ DT ∞