Blog entry for:

rediscover hope at any time, AS LONG AS i am working a program of recovery, based on the spiritual principles set down by those who have walked this road before me. that is a caveat i can accept without conditions, as my experience has shown me, time and again. for the record, i am one of those who has a couple decades clean, does not have relapse as part of my story, who stumbled into the room on a court card and did his best to disqualify himself from the love and companionship that the members in those meetings were offering me. as one can plainly see, the only things i did correctly way back when, was to keep coming back and not using between meetings, and that was sufficient for a bit of time. after that stopped working and i was tired of being miserable, no matter what i tried to fill the “hole” within, i surrendered to the program and found a manner of living that has brought me to where i am today.
today, i am happy, healthy, employed and financially sound. the journey between way back when and today, has been less than straight forward and after many turns of the spiral staircase of recovery, i can safely say that i love myself, i respect myself and the amount of time i spend in self-deprecation has been reduced to practically nil. more than once i have seen the despair of uncovering something that was unattractive or shameful. each of those times i sought the guidance of someone wiser than i was and what i got was the loving answer of “so what, now you know, so give yourself permission to let go and move on!” there were times when that answer startled and puzzled me, but today, i see it as not only the most correct, but certainly the most timely. each time i took that advice, i found HOPE once again and allowed myself the FREEDOM to be just a bit more human.
i am certainly living a life that allows me to thrive these days. merely breathing is not the sort of life i choose to live. seeking the ways and means to be more than i was yesterday is not a bad daily task for me and it is one of the commitments i make to myself these days. with that on the top of my mind, i do believe i will get this posted, pack up my work station and head out to enjoy a cigar as i suss out the intricacies of the work before me. it is after all, yet another good day to be clean and to be living a program of active recovery.

∞ DT ∞