Blog entry for:

this morning, i have lots of things on my mind, and the amazing part of that is: all of the things on my mind are the RESULT of reclaiming my life by cleaning up the wreckage of my past. it really is as simple as all of that.
finding two more players for our league? in active addiction i would have never played fantasy football!
my impending deadline in six days? before now, i would have never taken on such a daunting project and relished the fact that i could learn so much, while getting paid.
i could go on and on, the salient fact here is that BECAUSE of the step work i have done, and the progress i have achieved, what i can do and the options i do have today are beyond my wildest drug-crazed dreams. sure there are more than a few flies in the ointment. that is however, life on life's terms. there will always be self-entitled and disrespectful people, it is my CHOICE whether or not i choose to allow myself to be a victim to them. yes i am a victim no more, except to the choices i make, good, bad indifferent. recovery has shown me, how much i was victimized by addiction, and i am learning to let go of that. when i allow myself to get carried away in judgement and dissing someone, especially other members, i am once again CHOOSING to be a victim to my addiction and you know what THAT SUCKS! as the SIXTH STEP, i am not formally working, begins to work me more and more, i react more and more, by living the character defects i know so well. jealousy, envy, sniping and character assassination. old behaviors? no really, although i have been doing them for a fVcking long time. familiar behaviors, is a better term and in this case familiarity does breed contempt, to add at least one more time worn cliché to this mix. honestly, other than being entirely ready to work the SIXTH STEP and stressed about whether or not i am going to meet my deadline, i am okay today. my interview yesterday was short. maybe this is not yet the time for me to re-enter the work force and there is more stuff that i NEED to get done before i am free to go back. anyhow, speaking of work, i have to go get some done before my home group meeting and who knows, IF one or one or more of those vexations on my character shows up, i can do my best to let go and look for the lesson that i NEED to learn. after all, when i know what is happening, i am no longer a victim, i have become a volunteer and today i need not volunteer for my own misery.

∞ DT ∞