Blog entry for:

ranged from the fear of a punishing or vengeful to little or no belief at all. so a topic that lends it self to a history lesson that i choose not to develop this morning, in fact when i chose this seed thirty minutes ago, i had no intention of going there. i do need to do a very brief reprise of what i have said more than once, i am not really a “GOD” guy, and all the FAITH i have today is not rooted in any western religious tradition. in fact i once found that almost all the religious traditions bordered on superstition and was quite content to deride and look down on the adherents to those traditions. today, well i am just a bit more tolerant and less arrogant in my beliefs, as i have come to more than an understanding of the POWER that fuels my recovery, whatever that may be or look like.
yes how i depend on that POWER, looks very superstitious to me, once i look through the rational lenses of reason. i cannot sense that POWER with any of my physical senses, i cannot quantify how that POWER does for me, what i cannot do for myself and coming to FAITH in such a notion, well let me just say that is really the oddest thing of all. i always go back into a line from the play about the Danish prince that there are more things in heaven and Earth than are dreamt about in my philosophy.
well that when on a bit longer than i desired. explaining the unexplainable is not something i tend to dwell on any more. not everything needs to be quatified or qualified, some things just are, and this morning i can accept that statement. truthfully, there is no reason i should be on this bus, headed to my last day of contract labor from the house i share with the woman i love, in a world that is neiher kind nor caring. i should still be out there running and gunnung and suffering the consequences of active addiction. that was not however how things worked out and as i look at where i am today, i am grateful that i GOT the life i have been given. whether that life comes from a certain change in how i think and behave, due to Skinnerian conditioning, or a POWER that fuels my recovery. the result is more than i probably ever deserved and i certainly GOT mercy and not justice in the grand scheme of things. i hear addicts all the time, whining about how they cannot find A purpose in their lives. or expounding on the notion that somehoe they are heer for a very specific reason, that “GOD” has a plan for them, and perhaps they are correct. me, i am quite comfortable that ia higher purpose may exist for me, but i need not worry or even think about it, until it is revealed. i am quite content being on this side of the grass and having the opportunity to choose to live today. i could get all mystical and weird at this point, but in the end, i am not that sort of person and can come to be comfortable accepting that there is more than i can ever dream of.
it si an excellent day to be clean and although what i had planned for today, has not come to pass, i can accept that it just was not meant to be. i will work with what i have and leave the rest in the weeds. on that note i think i will sign off and enjoy leaving the commute to someone else.

∞ DT ∞