โข maintaining my faith โข
Posted: Sun, Jun 14, 2015 11:57:41 AM
okay, so all of you know that i am not a GOD kind of guy, i do not walk around saying that i am **connected and protected,** nor do i spend much time in trying to figure out why GOD put me where i am, i just accept that i am right where i am supposed to be, and if it is part of some divine plan,m all the better. i am better left in the dark about such grand schemes and plans, and these days am quite content to be so.
over the course of my recovery, i have come to accept something much less loud, much more subtle and yet just as powerful, that i choose to call the POWER that fuels my recovery. the systematic dismantling of my belief structure and the rebuilding of something less permanent and oppressive such as a system of beliefs, is the path my recovery has taken me and for that i am grateful. having moved into a less structured view of of beliefs, allows me the freedom, to just be me and “feel” my way to the next right thing. which this morning was to e-mail an old friend and express my condolences about an event that happened two weeks ago and that the suspect was arrested for on Friday and that i first heard about last night at the very eventful meeting i took my sponsee to, after a Thai dinner. so a bit off the beaten track this weekend, i would say so. out of my rut and a touch of something different, that would have once driven me to distraction.
as i sit and ponder the past 18 hours, because that is where the divergence form routine began, i am struck by the intensity of what occurred. i am also beginning to think, that things i am ignorant about, i already know and just need to brush the cobwebs and dust off of them. for the most part, i have come to the conclusion, that around the rooms, my peers are generally misdiagnosed and over-medicated, but last night i saw one of them in full blown mania, and for them, they certainly do need the help of a few medications. the spooky part of it is, that is i did not know that little fact about them,, i would have assumed they were using, because that is exactly how they look, sound and react when they have been using. be that as it may, i also hear others using their supposed diagnoses as excuses for a hundred venial sins. even worse they then rationalize and minimize it by saying: “at i did not use!”
i am so sick of hearing that, that when i hear anything prefaced by: “at least i did not…” i tend to dismiss anything that follows. kind of like BUT only the opposite direction.
anyhow i am losing my focus, it is a great day to be clean, i do have a POWER that fuels my recovery, and i am connected to something greater than myself through the fellowship that has a single promise and a message of HOPE.
over the course of my recovery, i have come to accept something much less loud, much more subtle and yet just as powerful, that i choose to call the POWER that fuels my recovery. the systematic dismantling of my belief structure and the rebuilding of something less permanent and oppressive such as a system of beliefs, is the path my recovery has taken me and for that i am grateful. having moved into a less structured view of of beliefs, allows me the freedom, to just be me and “feel” my way to the next right thing. which this morning was to e-mail an old friend and express my condolences about an event that happened two weeks ago and that the suspect was arrested for on Friday and that i first heard about last night at the very eventful meeting i took my sponsee to, after a Thai dinner. so a bit off the beaten track this weekend, i would say so. out of my rut and a touch of something different, that would have once driven me to distraction.
as i sit and ponder the past 18 hours, because that is where the divergence form routine began, i am struck by the intensity of what occurred. i am also beginning to think, that things i am ignorant about, i already know and just need to brush the cobwebs and dust off of them. for the most part, i have come to the conclusion, that around the rooms, my peers are generally misdiagnosed and over-medicated, but last night i saw one of them in full blown mania, and for them, they certainly do need the help of a few medications. the spooky part of it is, that is i did not know that little fact about them,, i would have assumed they were using, because that is exactly how they look, sound and react when they have been using. be that as it may, i also hear others using their supposed diagnoses as excuses for a hundred venial sins. even worse they then rationalize and minimize it by saying: “at i did not use!”
i am so sick of hearing that, that when i hear anything prefaced by: “at least i did not…” i tend to dismiss anything that follows. kind of like BUT only the opposite direction.
anyhow i am losing my focus, it is a great day to be clean, i do have a POWER that fuels my recovery, and i am connected to something greater than myself through the fellowship that has a single promise and a message of HOPE.
∞ DT ∞