Blog entry for:

has brought me from a life of total randomness and chaos, into a structure of sorts, that allows me to live a program of recovery. this morning, as i sat, i kept coming back tot he notion of how my vision of all things divine and profane, differs from that of my peers. that difference, arrived at after fifteen years of searching, is what sustains me in my recovery today, BUT certainly could once again become a wedge between my peers and myself. that is always a possibility, but this morning i see that difference as a path towards my growth in becoming more tolerant, open-minded and far less judgemental. what i see a my “true path” to achieving the sort of life that i did not know i desired, is certainly not going to match the paths of my peers, save for the recovery structure we share as members of a fellowship devoted to living clean.
as i have been asked by many men to be their sponsor, the one thing i have always been adamant about, is encouraging them to think for themselves and finds their own path. most have done so, and those who were locked in a dogma, that fed them all the ideas they needed to survive, have drifted away from that relationship. one of the men i currently sponsor, is in that same “locked-down” state, unwilling or unable to allow himself the freedom to look beyond what he is being fed and find a path that truly fits for him, within the structure of his religious path. this is a lesson in tolerance and patience for me, as i encourage him to try out his “critical thinking” wings, without pushing him away. that part of my journey, to infect others with the tools and the desire to work out fro themselves what their recovery path may look like, is one that i have just recognized within myself.
that rigid adherence to dogma, is something i have tripped across before and was demonstrated with extreme prejudice in a phone call i received from a peer in recovery. it is interesting to me, that they have totally discounted their last use and count their clean date from the least time they used their D.rug O.f C.hoice. there is a whole lot more going on in the head of that particular peer and i might hazard a guess as to their mental fitness as much of what they said yesterday seemed delusional to me. one thing i have learned over the course of my recovery is that there are truly humans that have severe mental health issues. no matter what i think of the “mental health” industry and their over-reliance on psychoactive substances, those who are actually mentally ill, do not receive the sort of attention they need to stay sane and live in the “real” world. i have stopped trying to correct those who seem to be in some sort of psychotic break. as i ask for the evidence of what they see, they get defensive and much further away from the truth, so for me, it is easier to listen, say nothing and walk away with a sense of wondering what i really can do for them.
dogma and delusion are similar in a whole lot of ways, the first and foremost being defending the walls at all costs from any arrows of reality that might upset the current state of stasis within those walls. i have lived in the walls of a self-created dogma and used it to defend myself from the cold, cruel world i saw around me. coming to believe, finding some HOPE that i allowed to grow into FAITH, has freed me from that self-built fortress of solitude. the opportunity to be something more than i was yesterday, is what i base my FAITH on, these days and so far that FAITH has not failed to sustain me. it is a good day to get some miles in, before it gets too hat and a better day to be grateful for what i am not. i may not know what i will be, but i do know that the path for this addict lies in the spiritual nature of the recovery program that has brought me this far.

∞ DT ∞