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much whether i understand how or why; i consistently get better results from principled action than i do from self-will. ah, the wonderful world of not having to think, just be. i know for most of my life, Be-ing was not something i was good at. i had to BE in control and did everything i could do to spin things the way i desired. spiritual, BAH that stuff was for losers, weaklings and feeble souls, who could not face reality. it was not until after i actually wanted what i saw in the rooms and started working to get it, that i let that brick of my belief structure get decimated. these days, i can offer all sorts of possible and maybe even probably reasons why my life goes smoother when i surrender to the notion of living a program of recovery, based in the spiritual principles of the fellowship that has given me this second life.
i once had a friend that has he called “life is a mystery” days. i never knew what he meant by that, but across the course of time i have come to embrace a quote from Soren Kierkegaard: “Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced!” what that says to me, is that i no longer have to scheme and manipulate to get my desires. i am not above having a desire or three, hell i am nowhere close to being an ascetic. what i do “get” these days, is that for me to experience life, as it unfolds, requires that i am present for what is going on and take the opportunities i am presented on a daily basis to get what i need and possibly what i desire. my belief system does not rest upon the favor of GOD and i do not ever expect to be given everything i ask for in prayer. i do have FAITH in the principles that have brought me this far, hence my lack of concern whether or not manna will fall from the sky.
speaking of which, it is time to close this down and get on with my “real” job. i am grateful i am learning how to live a life worth living. i h=value myself above everything else and it is only because i believe i am worthy, that i can l=keep on the twisty, windy path of recovery, just for today.

∞ DT ∞