Some memes

the spiritual principles that i have been given as part of my ongoing recovery is just one of those things that have simply become a part of the fabric of my life in active recovery. i do not stop and consider what part it plays in my daily life and i certainly do not regret any of the twists, turns, stumbles or missteps it took to arrive at this place. it is ironic that i am i was writing a letter to a lapsed acquaintance yesterday afternoon, i went into detail about how my FAITH in this program prevents my recovery from “hanging on a thread.” it is not as if i was “struck clean” as some of my peers seem to share about, nor was i an instant adherent to the notion that i required help from some “mystical and magical” outside influence to be able to stay clean and thrive. i was and still am a cynic in all sorts of places in my life. that cynicism has protected through active addiction and certainly in my recovery, but the one concept i accept without reservations is that i my life is better withing the framework of the spiritual principals promulgated by the fellowship that has brought me this far.
as i sit here this morning, considering the path i took to get here, i see that i always did have just a thimbleful of FAITH, even before i actually had the desire to stay clean and certainly before i had the desire to live a life in recovery. although i have been known to attribute my resistance to using, back in the day, to my FEAR of the consequences that could rain down upon me fro the justice system, i now realize that no matter how much i tried to deny it, i saw something in those members with whom i shared the rooms. i was willing to take a bit of a chance and after returning from being in a place where my recovery hung by the most slenderest of all threads, i took a leap of FAITH and became a member. as the fellowship had already started becoming my new social circle, learning to be a part of something more was the easier and much softer path. as i alluded to earlier, that path has yet to be easy or soft and certainly never in a straight line, but i remained on it, to this day.
my lapsed peer? well he wants to be freed from addiction and the routines it takes to stay clean, especially in isolation. when he had the opportunity to connect, he chose to separate, waiting for the day he would be freed from his legal obligations and pushing the boundaries and constraints they had put upon him. now, he wonders why i do not trust him, when he has not been trustworthy, by matching his deeds to his words. i am not going to pull my support and faith in him, but i am certainly not going to allow him to manipulate me into to place where he shits all over me, again. today and just for today, i have FAITH that i can feel what has been put upon my heart by the POWER that fuels my recovery and act upon it, fully knowing it is the next correct thing to do, even if rationally and logically it is suspect. just for today, i live a program based on FAITH that if i do my best to apply these principles in all areas of my life, everything will work out the way it is supposed to, even if it does not meet my expectations.

∞ DT ∞