โฆ i continue to discover that i have โฆ
Posted: Mon, Sep 30, 2013 07:48:27 AM
special gifts to offer those around me.
for the first time i woke up this morning and what to do, about failing to live up to the expectations of one particular person in my life, DID NOT occupy my thoughts. briefly i wondered, but i quickly moved on to getting my stuff done so i could get to work. then, of course, this reading was next on my plate, and voilà, i had my answer, do nothing once again today.
allowing myself to let go of living up to the expectations of others, is quite a feat! after all, that is who i have always been, the image of the expectations of others. now i am being offered the chance to walk away from that and be okay, with who i am. weird and ironic that an abstinent addict, in the throes of active addiction, is teaching me something that i NEED to know.
back to my seed, so what do i have to offer those around me? back at the START OF THIS RECOVERY JOURNEY, ALL I HAD WAS MY DENIAL STRUCTURE AND MY ANGER, not a very attractive gift, but one that i offered freely. once i came to the fellowship that has become my home, the HOPE that it is not substances that owned me and that the freedom i sought came through the application of a program designed to counter the condition of addiction, not the use of any mind or mood altering substance. today, i have a few days of what living that program means to me and how it permeates through my life. if that was not the case i would have been over my dilemma two days ago, and on to the next crisis in my life. as it is, what i will do, will be revealed to me, ion the correct time, and i have FAITH that i will have the courage to act when that is the case.
the next right thing to do now,. just happens to be: shower, shave and hit the road, after all, the expectations of my employer are worth living up to today, they do provide me the means to live this life as comfortably as i can. i will share what i have and accept what others have and as the day goes on, i will allow myself to be who i am, without the need to live up to the expectations of anyone else.
for the first time i woke up this morning and what to do, about failing to live up to the expectations of one particular person in my life, DID NOT occupy my thoughts. briefly i wondered, but i quickly moved on to getting my stuff done so i could get to work. then, of course, this reading was next on my plate, and voilà, i had my answer, do nothing once again today.
allowing myself to let go of living up to the expectations of others, is quite a feat! after all, that is who i have always been, the image of the expectations of others. now i am being offered the chance to walk away from that and be okay, with who i am. weird and ironic that an abstinent addict, in the throes of active addiction, is teaching me something that i NEED to know.
back to my seed, so what do i have to offer those around me? back at the START OF THIS RECOVERY JOURNEY, ALL I HAD WAS MY DENIAL STRUCTURE AND MY ANGER, not a very attractive gift, but one that i offered freely. once i came to the fellowship that has become my home, the HOPE that it is not substances that owned me and that the freedom i sought came through the application of a program designed to counter the condition of addiction, not the use of any mind or mood altering substance. today, i have a few days of what living that program means to me and how it permeates through my life. if that was not the case i would have been over my dilemma two days ago, and on to the next crisis in my life. as it is, what i will do, will be revealed to me, ion the correct time, and i have FAITH that i will have the courage to act when that is the case.
the next right thing to do now,. just happens to be: shower, shave and hit the road, after all, the expectations of my employer are worth living up to today, they do provide me the means to live this life as comfortably as i can. i will share what i have and accept what others have and as the day goes on, i will allow myself to be who i am, without the need to live up to the expectations of anyone else.
∞ DT ∞