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i have been believing that i could be okay if only...
sitting here this morning, trying to decide if i fire my opening salvo against the company that will not own their mistake and do the next right thing, i find myself examining my motives. what i took away from the conversation on Friday, is that broker seems to believe that i am bluffing and all his bluster feels as if he is trying to bully me into dropping the whole matter and walking away. his words seemed to indicate indifference but the way he put them together to sow seeds of doubt in my resolve, seems to indicate something else. the next right thing to do, has not been put on my heart, so for right now i will collect my evidence of his duplicity and formulate the first shot in my battle to get my money back.
i logged into work this morning, to see what is going on and low and behold, what was fixed on Friday afternoon is broken after their release. <BOOM> even though nothing has changed since Friday on our side, it has to be my issue and my football Sunday may be destroyed by something i cannot control. i really do not relish the fact that i have to spend my Sunday afternoon dealing with this and right here and right now, i am going to let go and see what the Fates will bring.
back to my original thought, now that the most pressing issues have been popped off the stack, this story, ancient as it is, that i am not okay, just as i am, is certainly well entrenched in my belief structure. that structure has been dismantled piece by piece, but under the rubble, there are still more than enough beliefs that i still regard as the TRUTH. i really thought the final blow in that demolition was when i came to the conclusion that my spiritual path did not have to even come close to resembling the path of my peers. that little tiny piece struck the first blow in my journey to being freed from not being “okay” but set off a chain reaction that i did not foresee and certainly could not predict. hindsight is always twenty-twenty, so i am okay with not being able to anticipate this new turn in my recovery journey and the battle i face now, can only be won with the assistance of the POWER that fuels my recovery, which i might choose to call GOD, when sharing with my peers.
today i can admit what i do not know, even about myself, greatly exceeds what i do know. i am okay without external validation and certainly will enjoy this afternoon for as long as i can, even if i will be updating an old web application for a client that no longer exists, to add it to my portfolio and to sharpen my skills for the side job that may be coming my way.

∞ DT ∞