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Higher Power i want as long as it is loving and, of course, greater than myself. what a great opportunity to go into great detail about what the POWER that fuels my recovery is, however that is not what i heard this morning. this could also be another opportunity to rehash my spiritual journey to find that POWER, but once again not today. what i did hear, in the very brief and scattered time i did get, was to write about how that POWER, devoid of any human or anthropomorphic attributes can be loving.
yes, it is time to stretch the boundaries and fly. on my way to work yesterday, i was overcome with a sense of gratitude, that i did not get locked into thinking that i was a collection of addictions. the fellowship where i started my journey gave me everything i needed to move beyond the narrow definition of what they were all about. just as the racist, sexist, deist and cult-like attributes were starting to show through the cracks, over there, i discovered that i really was so much more and needed a fellowship, where that so much more could be treated, celebrated and be shown to be no different than the rest of the members in that fellowship. not that i instantly lost those racist and sexist attributes when i walked into this door, when my ass was in a sling and i did not want to suffer the consequences of relapse, BUT i started to hear that GOD, when shared about in this neck of the recovery woods, was something highly personal and the path to a personal relationship with GOD, was more than just lip service, it was part of the program.
moving forward, as i shed prejudice and bias, especially in the realm of the spiritual, i see the utility of letting a member twist and turn, until they find the path to their personal relationship with a HIGHER POWER. this is not something i can fix, nor is this concept something that can be given away or borrowed, as i learned from my own personal experience. each dead-end, cul-de-sac and misstep, is moving in the right direction, no matter how it feels at the time. as i arrived at my concept, i was left with something far less defined than when i started, but a POWER that i have grown comfortable surrendering my will and my life to on a daily basis. loving? well, i certainly have FAITH that i will get everything i need today, and i will not suddenly be struck down in some arbitrary and capricious manner.i have come to trust that POWER, to keep me clean and to do for me, what i cannot or sometimes will not do for myself. i have evidence that POWER speaks through the words, reactions and actions of those in my life, to provide me the information i need to live and yes even thrive, in the here and now. so does that meet the definition of loving? i really do not know. for me, it certainly works, and there is no mumbo-jumbo, ceremony, abasement, THEEs and THOUs or i am not worthys, as a requirement of that relationship. it is as it is, a partnership, with me always being the junior partner here.
it is time however, to end this theosophic musing and head on out to the real world. yes i am cared for today, in what to my mind looks like a loving manner, so with that i will venture out and see if i can uphold my end of the deal and be the best Don i can be today.

∞ DT ∞