ยฟ since i came into the program believing that God is judgmental and unforgiving ยฟ
Posted: Thu, Jan 14, 2010 10:24:37 AM
the very thought of turning my will and life over to the care of GOD filled me with reluctance. alrighty then, i have run, and am waiting to do a phone conference with yet another facility, and i still have to shower and get to a massage this morning by 10 AM. WHEW! so as i have already had quite the mind wipe, thinking about this whole Higher POWER aka GOD gig and the surrender into the care of part, i am quite certain that is what i need to do, to get this piece of fast paced multi-tasking done.
i could rehash my whole HP history experience, but i find that is getting redundant. i could talk about the Eleventh Step experience i had in this step cycle that led to a new spiritual awakening in my recently completed twelfth step, but i have shared that also, and to do so, could be a waste of time, mine and yours.
so in the fifteen minutes i have, i do believe i will speak about how ‘surrendering into the care of…’ looks right here and right now. for me, control is always an issue, as i stay clean, it diminishes in its importance, but it is still there. so for me, i have to understand that i am powerless over my addiction, i have to admit that there is some POWER that can keep me clean, and even though i cannot describe the face of that POWER, i have to trust IT enough to surrender MY WILL and MY LIFE into IT’s care. that trust has come from the preponderance of evidence that some POWER has brought me this far. i may lack the belief that this POWER loves and cares for me, as i see this POWER being far beyond ascribing human attributes to. i do, however believe that in my own limited human understanding, that POWER does work, does keep me clean and will allow me to see and choose the best path to become the man i have always wanted to be. part of that vision the two of us share is a life that goes beyond active addiction and into areas beyond my imagination.
anyhow, time to shower and get a bit less busy. i can feel the need to move on, and i can allow those feelings to be a part of my decision-making process, as i have come to believe that is how i get my daily marching orders. so off to the next task.
i could rehash my whole HP history experience, but i find that is getting redundant. i could talk about the Eleventh Step experience i had in this step cycle that led to a new spiritual awakening in my recently completed twelfth step, but i have shared that also, and to do so, could be a waste of time, mine and yours.
so in the fifteen minutes i have, i do believe i will speak about how ‘surrendering into the care of…’ looks right here and right now. for me, control is always an issue, as i stay clean, it diminishes in its importance, but it is still there. so for me, i have to understand that i am powerless over my addiction, i have to admit that there is some POWER that can keep me clean, and even though i cannot describe the face of that POWER, i have to trust IT enough to surrender MY WILL and MY LIFE into IT’s care. that trust has come from the preponderance of evidence that some POWER has brought me this far. i may lack the belief that this POWER loves and cares for me, as i see this POWER being far beyond ascribing human attributes to. i do, however believe that in my own limited human understanding, that POWER does work, does keep me clean and will allow me to see and choose the best path to become the man i have always wanted to be. part of that vision the two of us share is a life that goes beyond active addiction and into areas beyond my imagination.
anyhow, time to shower and get a bit less busy. i can feel the need to move on, and i can allow those feelings to be a part of my decision-making process, as i have come to believe that is how i get my daily marching orders. so off to the next task.
∞ DT ∞