Blog entry for:

i believed in nothing but myself, or i believed that anything that could be called **God** could only be cold-hearted and unreasonable. quite a dichotomy to deal with, when i first got clean and started the project of accepting this whole HIGHER POWER concept it is not like that dichotomy has totally been resolved. there are still times when i have trouble believing, and that is just how it is. i am way too deep of a thinker a6t times, and i can find any hole or loophole in just about any argument or belief system if i choose to do so.
and this is really what this reading is all about to me this morning, discarding one belief system for another. at least that is how it seemed to work for me. i was not one of those who could replace just pieces of my belief system and then let things settle out. no, it always seems to be all or nothing for me. religion was replaced with atheism. atheism was replaced with agnosticism. agnosticism was replace with taoism. and finally all of that was replaced with roll-your-own-ism. finally i had enough of playing the ism game, and decided to take a chance and allow my program to dictate the nature of that belief system, with or without a classic ‘GOD’ figure.
so what do i know for certain today? well i am not GOD nor have i ever been particularly good at playing GOD. managing my own life always has results that i am not fond of. and living in self-will has consequences that are beyond what i am willing to accept today. so that all means that today, right here and right now, i need to make a decision about who’s care i will entrust my will and my life into. and i choose a POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN AND PROVIDES FOR ALL OF MY NEEDS. so off to the races to live that decision.

∞ DT ∞