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when to act is something i attempt to do, with clarity and when i am emotionally balanced. today, i am far from emotionally balanced but i certainly do have a bit more clarity. at FOUR AM this morning, i got the call that my Mom had shuffled off this mortal coil. of course that tipped my day all sorts of sideways and i lacked the time to eat breakfast, sit and listen, read the news and enter my day in the usual way. i have a niece who is a using addict playing the martyr because she chose to come and live at my Mom's house and help her out. she is all kind of upset because i asked for my Mom's jewelry and inserted my sister into the mix. they act as if i am being unreasonable about taking care of the estate, now that it is an estate. i was a using addict and if i was put in the position that she is, i would be sorely tempted to sell a piece or two to get what i needed. what she does not get, is this protects her as well, from being accused of lifting something. she is upset that i do not “trust” her and that she is getting screwed out of what she believes she is entitled to from what is left of my Mom's assets, so of course i am going to grab the most portable and liquid assets and put them out of her reach.
moving on, i am hurting and excited. now i am free to go on my climb, without thinking of my Mom, except in fond memory and carrying her in my heart to the summit of Africa. i will also make sure the house and my Mom's dogs are dealt with, so when i return i can get the ball rolling on getting all the estate stuff done. life has certainly been interesting the past week and events have moved far quicker than i thought they would, although arriving at this place was not all that far-fetched and it certainly is a blessing of sorts. i am moving now with clarity and the balance i can find in knowing that i have done the next right thing, even if others choose not to believe that.
the time has now come to stop justifying and rationalizing my decision as in my heart i know that i am doing what is best for everyone. there will be some pain points ahead, perhaps even this afternoon, but i am about to send off another text to let my niece know what the minimum i am willing to offer her is. i also am off to the cigar store shortly to escape into the comfort of cigars, friendship and football. for the next few hours the world will spin without me and i will not care who is whining about me being such a dick and throwing all kinds of guilt trips about what my Mom would want me to do. it certainly is what it is, just for today.

∞ DT ∞