Blog entry for:

in all the wrong places? at least i was when i was in active addiction. somehow i had got the notion that love was all about control and obedience -- my control, your obedience! so when i first started to explore the notion of a HIGHER POWER in that very first second step i did, i was entirely unwilling to open my mind to the whole GOD concept much less start a process of coming to believe. after all i thought i had a clue what love was all about when i was the senior partner and here i was being asked to start a loving relationship as the junior partner, the next thing you guys would have me do is shave my head, and pass out tracts of literature at the airport, proselytizing about how your notion of the divine had changed my life!
the irony of that last statement does not escape me, because here i write day after day sharing about my HIGHER POWER and the effect coming to believe has had on my life, based on a daily meditation reading from the literature of the fellowship that gave me a new life, and i no longer sport a mullet. not that any of that is bad, in fact i have come to realize that this little exercise, in putting down my feeling and thoughts is a gift from that same loving HIGHER POWER i dreaded discovering what seems like just a few days ago. i no longer fear a loving relationship with THE POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN AND PROVIDES FOR ALL MY NEEDS, since i have come to understand what love is and is not. there are no junior or senior partners in a relationship based on love, just partners. each brings all they have to the relationship and does their best to give all they can and accept what is offered. so what does this have to do with the entry today? just this, today i can accept the gifts a loving HIGHER POWER is offering and i can surrender my will and my life to that same POWER without FEAR of that gift being wasted or abused. and i can walk in FAITH that no matter what happens today, and no matter what i have to do, i will be provided the means to do it and stay clean at least one more day. so i am at peace today, secure in the knowledge that right here, right now i am on the correct path.
∞ DT ∞