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THE POWER that fuels my recovery, can and will do for me what i cannot do for myself.
in case you have not noticed i have grown increasingly uncomfortable with the whole personal GOD concept. that does not mean that i am uncomfortable with a HIGHER POWER concept or even a personal understanding of a HIGHER POWER, just the notion of possessing one, by the use of “my” and “mine” when referring to a POWER that fuels my recovery. this reading goes straight to the heart of that unease. i have grown-up to the point where i need not have a personal HIGHER POWER, a shared concept is good enough and far more than adequate for me. i understand, that POWER gives me the personal power to stay clean. i accept that without a working relationship with that POWER i will wither and eventually return the the living death of active addiction and all its attendant consequences. i also understand that the use of “my” and “mine”, is part of how we speak in this fellowship and is more than likely shorthand for my personals concept and understanding, limited as it is, of the POWER that fuels my recovery, just like the word GOD is shorthand for even my HIGHER POWER. i do, at times wonder if that is actually the case, but what others think is really not my stuff and this morning this is all about my stuff.
i have more than enough evidence about where i get the power to stay clean each day, based on my life before and after the event that drove me to the rooms for real. was there some outside force at work in my life? well certainly the justice system was an outside force and one i did my best, to avoid for nearly 24 years. was there some of plan in the works to save me from myself? on that question i will defer, as the evidence of that is slim and circumstantial at best. what is a fact, that no matter how much i did, no matter what situation in placed myself in, no matter how crazy i acted, i survived my active addiction and have yet to return to that so-called life. was that GOD working in mysterious ways, or just part of the ebb and flow of the river of life? i do not know, nor do i care! what i do know, is that when i let go, pay attention and grab the opportunity in front of me, amazing things happen. those events allow me to stay clean, as it bolsters my FAITH in the life i choose to live, my ability to make saner decisions and yes, a POWER working in my life, beyond what i can describe in a million words. so my HIGHER POWER, is a term i will not be using in the here and now, but of course, like everything else in my recovery, that too is subject to change.

∞ DT ∞