Blog entry for:

my recovery. it would be a lie to say that i do not enjoy the side-effects of freedom from active addiction. it is amazingly true that when i am not using, i show up for work in a very consistent manner. when one shows up to work, in a very consistent manner, guess what? one furthers the advancement of their career, gets paid in a very consistent manner, and actually has the chance to become a bit more financially secure. when i am that one, the effect is that i appear to affluent, and perhaps in comparison to others i am. i get to go on vacation, i get to live in a nice house, that has power, water and cable TV. i get to drive a car that i own and i have the freedom to seek another source of employment, even though i have a job. when i am not spending most of what i make to feed active addiction, i GET to accumulate some stuff. when i am not spending all my energy calculating the ways and means to get more, i have the opportunity to further my education and accomplish a task that i gave up long ago. yes these are NOT recovery, they certainly ARE the side-effects of my freedom, from that freedom i get to become the man i never dreamed i could become.
anyhow, i am fortunate that the path of recovery allowed me to have opportunities to become something beyond my wildest dreams, and productive member of society, who gets to be compensated for his time and trouble. would i prefer not to have to work for my daily bread? of course i would, i am lazy at heart. the consequences of that shift in my daily routine, would not however be much to my liking. living in a party bus, trying to recover from last night's buzz, and wondering what i would have to do to get well today, is not the sort of lifestyle i choose today. my recovery journey takes me further from that reality every day, and the envy i once felt about my friends living that sort of dream, has finally left me. where i once desired their lifestyle, and stalked them in social media to vicariously enjoy what they were living, i now assiduously avoid looking at what they happen to be posting and may be approaching the point of closing down my online relationship with them. that i see as a sign of growth and perhaps a harbinger of coming out of the spiritual funk that has plagued me over the past few weeks.
but anyhow, i do have to go meet my commitment, as my employer met half of theirs. it is a good day to continue my journey away from active addiction and revel in the freedom i have been given.

∞ DT ∞