Blog entry for:

between the gifts i NEED and the gifts i desire has always presented a problem for me. yes it is true that i need cold hard cash to maintain my life style and do the things that make life comfortable for me. it is also true that unless something unforeseen happens like: someone dumping a truckload of hundred dollar bills on my front lawn, i will have to work to get those resources. but it is not true that if something happened to my ability to work, that i would have to use. and that , for me is the difference. the gift of freedom from addiction is a gift I NEED, the gift of having a job that pays my bill is one i want. the WHOLE truth, in my opinion, is that my ability to hold a job and be a productive member of society is dependent on my freedom from active addiction, PERIOD! so i am truly grateful that i found this program and learned how to adapt my life to recovery.

but enough of the soap box!
... i have a few other things on my mind this morning!

i have been through quite a bit over the past eleven months and even though it is a bit early for my anniversary crazies to commence, i do find myself pondering who i am and where i am going. after sharing my story yesterday, in front of people who have never heard much of it; and after saying my final goodbyes to my dear friend JIM, i find myself in a very altered place this morning. i feel as if a great weight has been suddenly removed from my spirit and as a result have a spring to my step that has not been present for quite some time. i know that nothing has actually changed in my life, i still have three weeks of work to catch-up on for my clients, i still have hours of work to do for my fellowship, and i still am not rich, good-looking or twenty-one. But all of a sudden i am ready to accept what is coming next, i am once again ready to move forward on my step work and I am now ready to move forward in the relationships that i have been doing by default over the past year. i am now less frightened about what tomorrow will bring and am ready to once again demonstrate FAITH in myself, by taking a risk or three and moving out of the holding pattern i have been in for the past year. what this action will look like has yet to be revealed, but i am once again willing to listen to and apply a suggestion or three from those who love and care for me, including, GASP, GOD!
so here i am, feeling good, emotionally, spiritually and physically waiting to see what comes next in my adventure through recovery.
AND THAT IS THE DIFFERENCE TODAY!
∞ DT ∞