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for a problem i never thought i had, is certainly an interesting way to start off this exercise this morning. i often write about the time between my first meeting and the time i finally became a member in this space. the common themes of that period of my **recovery** are DENIAL, lack of ownership and my NEED to be different. with all of that working against me, it certainly is quite a feat to be coming up on yet another clean date. one of the factors that keep me coming back, at least these days. is that i finally did see, that my peers in recovery “got” me. i finally found a group of people who really did see the world in the same way as i did.
part of all of that, is the notion that somehow i have to support any and all commercial enterprises that my peers launch. nothing “chaps my hide” hide more than getting a request to “like” a page of someone who has not spoken to me in months, to support their new bidness. in truth, i just “cleaned-up” my “friend” in social media to prevent that from happening again. i have no idea where some of my peers get the notion that just because i share the rooms with them, and yes my recovery, that they are entitled to call me a “friend” or use me to further their financial ends. do not get me wrong, those who i do consider to be friends, are certainly worth me using what little power i do have, to help out their cause. it is not unlike the selfish, self-entitled drivers that believe they can institute a “zipper merge” unilaterally, just because GOOGLE says so.
well that was an interesting diver into taking someone else's inventory. one that i quickly erased and decided that my discretion was better that the feeling i would get from calling them out. the promise and only promise i need today, is certainly part of my reality. yup, i am feeling a bit used and angry over something that happened yesterday. i also know that allowing that person to rent space in my head, will not do anything to give me any power. i have taken steps to prevent a recurrence of the issue and as i continue down the path of disengagement with them, i can be okay knowing that they too are entitled top all the gifts that are derived from FREEDOM FROM ACTIVE ADDICTION. my life has been enhanced by them being a part of my recovery and i will grow as a result of leaving them behind, to wallow in the mixed message they find so comforting. for me, my path is clear and it is out into the rain-washed morning air, to get some miles in, just for today.

∞ DT ∞