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**i am as sick as my secrets.** this is certainly one of those truisms, i here used and abused around the rooms, and as stale as it may sound to me, and it does sound stale, i know that it is still part of who i am.
unlike some of my peers, i tend to keep some things on the very down low. not that most of those items are shameful, some as a matter of fact are, i have always been a fairly private person, who actually does not like his sh!t discussed in public, and does something about it. i have heard some of my peers complaining about having their dirty laundry being discussed by others, then in the next breath they are loudly spreading it around for all to hear. sort of like shouting: “here are all my juicy bits, but do not tell anyone, ” from a megaphone into a crowded football stadium. based on that behavior, i would say that the last thing they actually want, is to be left alone.
yes, it is true, i write this every day. yes it is also true, more often than not, there is a juicy bit or two, revealed as i dump this or that. it is also however true, that i have no expectation of privacy over anything i wrote, and although i make a very minor attempt to disguise who and what i am whining about, most of the time, if they happened to stumble across they would know it is them. as a result,. there is nothing here that i would not share in a meeting, in fact i have greater freedom here, because i can cross-talk and present counter-arguments, without violating any of the standards that make meetings a safer venue. i DO NOT however, reveal anything here that is really secret, as i have closed-mouthed friends, peers, a significant other and my sponse, to fill that role, and they fill it quite well.
am i sick for keeping stuff under the covers? well i would certainly agree with the reading to say, that is a definite maybe. i do not run to my sponse every day or even every week , with every little thing that pops into my life. nor do i wail about being a victim when a defect of character rears its ugly head and i find myself behaving in ways that i consider shameful. no, what i do, is the same as many of my peers, i attempt to sweep it under the carpet, apply self-will to it and allow my life to spin out into manageability once again, before owning up to it. after all i have a few days, and i SHOULD be able to fix this on my own. :) does that ever work? not really. do i do anything different? no i live in the insanity that maybe this time, i'll get lucky. and so it goes, no salacious or juicy bits here today, after all, today i am meeting with my sponse to go over what is happening and get a bit of direction. today i have resolved the crap in my head about my peers at work. today i am willing to be okay with my life, precisely as it is and buy that MegaMillions ticket that COULD be my ticket to something different, in another reality! seriously though, i really am okay, nothing to see here, this is not the addict you seek, move along.

∞ DT ∞