Blog entry for:
Sun, Aug 4, 2024 12:04:57 PM
😖 the benefits of 😖
posted: Sun, Aug 4, 2024 12:04:57 PM
a more flexible and open approach to new ideas, was certainly not something i could see when i arrived at the doors of my first meeting. even though i had no idea what to expect, the whole Twelve Step paradigm was something i knew nothing about, but i was fairly certain it was something that was not for me. with that sort of attitude and a huge chip on my shoulder, it is amazing that it only took me seven months to get clean and another eighteen months after that to finally submit myself to the recovery process. today, one might say that it was a good thing that this addict did not leave until the miracle of pulling his head out of his ass, occurred, but i often forget what the wearying desperation i kept at bay through denial and distraction, actually felt like. this morning, ,as i finish my weekly chores and prepare to go hang in a dark, smoke-filled, air-conditioned lounge, i can be thankful that when i was finally ready, i was really ready to cease fighting and accept this recovery gig, as is, warts, GOD and all.
i have never been a quick study in recovery and it took the better part of another fifteen years before i finally let go of a HIGHER POWER that was not and would never work for me and embraced the spiritual path that i find myself upon these days. the biggest obstacle for me to find this path was my FEAR of being different from my peers. in my head i saw “different” as “bad” and lived my life forever doing my best to not be “different.” it still took a few more years before i let go of that notion, even though from the very beginning i was told that to recover, i had to do what they did, not look and act as they did.
i am content and mostly happy today and even have found a path to forgive myself for my youthful relationship with Sol. that relationship may have helped me to form a malignant melanoma, but was more than likely not the only factor, as i will see as time progresses. yes i was young and dumb. yes, i protect myself better from the damage sunshine does to my body, but i still will exercise outside, climb mountains and hang with friends at picnics and BBQs. i will just prepare to do those activities a bit differently than i have in the past, as my mind has been opened to the idea that i can enjoy the outdoors without subjecting myself to the damage that sunshine may do.
i have never been a quick study in recovery and it took the better part of another fifteen years before i finally let go of a HIGHER POWER that was not and would never work for me and embraced the spiritual path that i find myself upon these days. the biggest obstacle for me to find this path was my FEAR of being different from my peers. in my head i saw “different” as “bad” and lived my life forever doing my best to not be “different.” it still took a few more years before i let go of that notion, even though from the very beginning i was told that to recover, i had to do what they did, not look and act as they did.
i am content and mostly happy today and even have found a path to forgive myself for my youthful relationship with Sol. that relationship may have helped me to form a malignant melanoma, but was more than likely not the only factor, as i will see as time progresses. yes i was young and dumb. yes, i protect myself better from the damage sunshine does to my body, but i still will exercise outside, climb mountains and hang with friends at picnics and BBQs. i will just prepare to do those activities a bit differently than i have in the past, as my mind has been opened to the idea that i can enjoy the outdoors without subjecting myself to the damage that sunshine may do.
∞ DT ∞
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
Another Look!
trust → secrets → shame 245 words ➥ Wednesday, August 4, 2004 by: donnotδ sick as my secrets δ 397 words ➥ Thursday, August 4, 2005 by: donnot
α only when my secrets stop being secret Ω 454 words ➥ Friday, August 4, 2006 by: donnot
↔ though i enjoyed using right to the end, i sought recovery anyway. ↔ 571 words ➥ Saturday, August 4, 2007 by: donnot
∞ when i admit my powerlessness and seek help from others … 374 words ➥ Monday, August 4, 2008 by: donnot
μ it is not that i do not want to be rid of the things that cause me shame μ 683 words ➥ Tuesday, August 4, 2009 by: donnot
… as an addict, i tend to live a secret life … 425 words ➥ Wednesday, August 4, 2010 by: donnot
¢ i may hold onto the things that cause me shame ¢ 710 words ➥ Thursday, August 4, 2011 by: donnot
♥ only when my secrets stop being secret , 416 words ➥ Saturday, August 4, 2012 by: donnot
♣ some of my shameful secrets plagued me for so long, ♣ 679 words ➥ Sunday, August 4, 2013 by: donnot
≈ i have heard it said that ≈ 597 words ➥ Monday, August 4, 2014 by: donnot
ℑ what a relief ℑ 559 words ➥ Tuesday, August 4, 2015 by: donnot
⪭ share the burden ⪬ 730 words ➥ Thursday, August 4, 2016 by: donnot
🆙 what do i 🆓 612 words ➥ Friday, August 4, 2017 by: donnot
🗽 i enjoyed 🗻 658 words ➥ Saturday, August 4, 2018 by: donnot
🌫 living more easily 🌫 433 words ➥ Sunday, August 4, 2019 by: donnot
🤒 as sick 🤫 234 words ➥ Tuesday, August 4, 2020 by: donnot
🌋 the toll 🌌 308 words ➥ Wednesday, August 4, 2021 by: donnot
🙊 when is a 🤐 455 words ➥ Thursday, August 4, 2022 by: donnot
🤔 open - mindedness 🤩 443 words ➥ Friday, August 4, 2023 by: donnot
☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge
Book 1
3) Therefore he who would administer the kingdom, honouring it as
he honours his own person, may be employed to govern it, and he who
would administer it with the love which he bears to his own person
may be entrusted with it.