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it has been quite an interesting twenty-four, i went from one sure thing, to two sure things, back to a single sure thing. i took a leap of FAITH and accepted a job that will be challenging, instead of the safe alternative of staying put in a job i know and love. the deciding factor was whether or not i thought i could grow. in my current position i have been boxed in by what i cannot know. in the new position, not knowing will not be an option, i am forced to be less than comfortable and live in the world of uncertainty. ironically, at the meeting last night, i heard one of my peers, lamenting the fact that they are still an addict, and i understand that as well. as it previewed the reading today, it was ringing in my head, when i could quiet down how i was going to tell my current employers of my decision.
yes i want choices, and active recovery has presented me way more than i desire, at least across the course of the past few weeks. i was quite comfortable in my old car. i am quite comfortable in my current position. and i was quite comfortable with the set of relationships i had developed, now all is new and different and for the most part bright and shiny, but certainly scary. it makes me wonder how someone of the other 85%, would handle all the change that has been manifest in my life. i would wager, that they too, would be thrown for a loop, but take in better than i am. recovery and addiction gives me a unique way of dealing with things. first there is my emotional reaction, ARGH, then a tendency to react in the manner i have finely honed in active addiction, and finally recovery kicks in and i realize that the change that is in my life, is just that change. i can resist and fall to pieces or i can just go with the flow, accept a bit of FAITH that things are as they are supposed to be and move forward.
today i am moving forward and into this brave new world of uncertainty. maybe ISIS is knocking at my door and Ebola is around the corner. or maybe, just maybe i can be okay and let myself calm down and see that the default is not a bad thing.

∞ DT ∞