Blog entry for:

even if i did not have elaborate dreams of success, i never thought that i would grow up to be an addict. a fireman, the president of the United States or a movie star, but addict certainly not even on my radar screen of my possible futures. it is true that i grew up in different times and drugs were just becoming part of popular culture. that did not slow me down, even though these days i would have been considered a late bloomer in this respect. twenty-six years or so, i finally retired from that avocation and accepted recovery as the manner of living that i would grow accustomed to, and i have grown into recovery. even on that fateful September day, i was still in denial about being an addict, i was still trying to disqualify myself and most of all i was doing my level best to figure out how i could comply with the powers that be, and still keep the life i had.
how is life in retirement? after all, if i am going to use this metaphor, i might as well milk it for all it is worth. with the pressure of having to find the ways and means removed, i find a bit more peace, and my mind being focused on other issues. removal of the daily grind to get high one or more times each and every day has allowed me to succeed in my new career, living in the real world. i have not yet perfected that career, and i have bunches more to learn, BUT you know what, i am happier, more satisfied and far more confident than i have ever been before. it is nice knowing who i am, even though that is a moving target, -- who i am part not the knowing part--. dealing with my feelings and reacting appropriately, learning how to make decisions, discovering lost talents and dreams, and most importantly learning how to be a part of the relationships that comprise my day to day life are part of this full-time job and much, much more, they are part of becoming the man i have always wanted to be, even when i was asked that silly question by the grown-ups in my life way back when.
changing careers at forty was tough, but honestly, working the half-life of addiction for as long as i did, it is amazing that i have anything left to show for it. do i regret leaving that career behind? not by a long-shot. do i regret ever having taken that first drug? not really, after all, without that event, this part of my life would have never happened. i am who i am today, because i made a choice to use that very first time. i have something to offer the world because i made it more than just a hobby. most of all, my recovery is that much richer, because i can finally see what it is i truly want to be when i grow up: A RECOVERING ADDICT!
so time to hit the streets and work off a few of the excess calories i consumed yesterday.

∞ DT ∞