ฮฑ choices ฯ
Posted: Sat, Oct 15, 2005 12:41:30 PM
going through my day and writing this after a few hours of life, is giving me a new perspective on the whole topic of choices.
i can honestly tell you that before coffee and meditation this morning i had developed an attitude that would preclude any sort of recovery today. i was resentful, angry and ready to explode -- events had fallen out of the parameters i considered acceptable before my morning routine and i was ready to lash out and let everyone know just how unacceptable they were.
when i was in active addiction, i would have shared my misery with all those around me, not whining, but by ensuring that they were just as miserable as me PERIOD! looking back on that, i realize i had no choice in acting that way -- it was all i knew and i was unwilling to contemplate let alone adopt another manner of living.
as the day progressed, i have had several more events that required greater attention than i was willing to devote to them, but the difference between now and then is that i have the choice to accept what has happened, deal with it and whine minimally about them in general. i also have the choice to restart my day and hope that it will become more to my liking as it progresses and you know, just making that little mind-set change has enabled me to get to this point and not have anything to regret so far. recovery has given me more choices than i can enumerate in the short amount of space and time i allow myself to write this blog. the choice that i am most grateful right now, right here is that i have the ability to choose to use or not to use, to act-out or not act out and to live in harmony with the world or live at odds with what is going on.
so i choose to recover today!
∞ DT ∞
i can honestly tell you that before coffee and meditation this morning i had developed an attitude that would preclude any sort of recovery today. i was resentful, angry and ready to explode -- events had fallen out of the parameters i considered acceptable before my morning routine and i was ready to lash out and let everyone know just how unacceptable they were.
when i was in active addiction, i would have shared my misery with all those around me, not whining, but by ensuring that they were just as miserable as me PERIOD! looking back on that, i realize i had no choice in acting that way -- it was all i knew and i was unwilling to contemplate let alone adopt another manner of living.
as the day progressed, i have had several more events that required greater attention than i was willing to devote to them, but the difference between now and then is that i have the choice to accept what has happened, deal with it and whine minimally about them in general. i also have the choice to restart my day and hope that it will become more to my liking as it progresses and you know, just making that little mind-set change has enabled me to get to this point and not have anything to regret so far. recovery has given me more choices than i can enumerate in the short amount of space and time i allow myself to write this blog. the choice that i am most grateful right now, right here is that i have the ability to choose to use or not to use, to act-out or not act out and to live in harmony with the world or live at odds with what is going on.
so i choose to recover today!
∞ DT ∞