Blog entry for:

i did dream of work, family, and a future of dignity and respect.
and i did dream of only having to start this once today. but since i have been playing fire man since i put my feet on the floor this morning, i accept that nothing will go as i plan today. with that small piece of acceptance i can move into my day with a few less expectations and a little bit more serenity. and serenity is one thing that this addict can always use a bit more of in my life.
... so it goes ...
it is true that i was not a person who dreamed of being a slave to drugs. it is also true that i became one. whether that was part of my genetic composition, or something that was socialized in to me is totally irrelevant. i have come to believe that i am hardwired and have been since birth due to a convergence of genes available to me when i was created, but that is only a belief and not necessary for me to recover today. i cannot and will not accept the responsibility for being an addict, i will and do accept the responsibility for my recovery. whether or not addiction is a disease is another of the funky little arguments that i choose not to engage in. the evidence of my life in active addiction was that it certainly was an affliction of my physical, emotional and spiritual self. i can choose to ignore that affliction as i did for many years, or i can choose to work through the means to treat that affliction. so i understand where my responsibility lies today. treatment or denial, the choice is up to me and i choose treatment today! so off to town to see what else i can get in trouble with today.

∞ DT ∞