Blog entry for:

before personalities, or as i like to paraphrase: **principles, before my sh!tty personality!**
yes, as i have grown to see how things work in my life and my recovery. what i have come to see, that for six nines (99.9999%) of the time, it is not the personality of someone else, that causes me the problem. no, sad to say, it is my JUDGEMENT of that person that does the dirty work here. there are those very few, true and purely “assholish” people, and on any given day, i may run across one, but it is a very unlikely circumstance that two or more will cross my path.
quite the notion there. yes there are abrasive people in the world, many in fact, and the chances of me interacting with them is quite high, as what i see as abrasive, reflects back on what i see in myself that i am not entirely happy and content with, yes to this day. i have a code of conduct, as it were, that was given to me through practicing a program of active recovery. do i have beams of spiritual light shooting from my bung hole? no not yet, and probably no time soon! what i do have is a framework to behave better in the here and now and walk through the travails of my day, without leaving bodies by the wayside.what i do have, is a standard of conduct based on principles such as, tolerance, acceptance and honesty. i need no longer pretend to be better off than i am, even though that is still a part of my repertoire of less than stellar behaviors. sure i can act all spiritual and quote from the literature non-stop, but if i am not living up to the principles, in all of my affairs, especially when it comes to my workplace, how well am i, really?
when i am not getting what i think that i am entitled to, blaming the person or event in my way, is the first place i go. of course, that hen becomes the object of my ire, and any spiritual principles i may have acted upon, fly out the window. as one can see, it is not the others in my life that create strife and chaos, it is me, and instead of seeing what i desire to become, i see what i am not, time and again.
it is time, however to pack this in for today, perhaps, and that is a big one, with the notion of looking at myself, instead of someone else in my mind, i can walk the talk, that i am quite a legend in my own mind about. i need to try and think before reacting and decide, is it them, or is it me, and if it is me, what can i do to keep myself from doing something i may regret.

∞ DT ∞