Blog entry for:

compassion, tolerance, and patience are certainly not principles i walked into recovery, living with aplomb. even so, as i stay clean and live a program of active recovery, i get better at applying them in my life, every day, in most situations. heck, even when i drive and get frustrated with those around me, chomping down on my cigar and having the desire to tell them what freaking a$$holes they are, i can find a bit of patience and tolerance. i am far from perfect, BUT fro someone who entered recovery, never telling the “whole truth” that is quite an accomplishment.
right here and right now,. i can see that writing about what was and comparing it to what is, is not what i “heard” this morning. in fact as i sat, the notion that kept bubbling up to the top was how could i be a better employee and be more secure in my position. i have learned over my brief time with having the ability to actually sit and listen, to not ignore what bubbles up from the depths, nor try and push it down. i am starting to come up to speed and i am starting to own what is mine to correct, but i do not feel i am getting there fast enough and that they are losing patience in my lack of skillful programming. that theme has played over and over in my head for the past few weeks, and i am tiring of it. i can say that my employer told me flat-out that they would not allow me to fail my way out of this position, and they would let me know long before i was let go, that i needed improvement. as that i has yet to arrive, i will continue to do my best to make the grade and stop beating myself up for being a bit laggard.
on quite a different note, i finally made the call to my sponse and am waiting to speak with him about how to move in to working STEP SIX. ironically, i am being very patient and tolerant in this matter, and i know that is only because of how much i dislike this particular step. now it is not in my court, quite yet, to make a call and ask for an assignment. be that as it may, it is still my responsibility to take care of my recovery, so when another day or so p-asses, it is my job to make that call and get moving on my spiritual path, once again. on that note, it is time for me to suit up and get some miles under my belt. yes, it is true, taking care of my physical self is as important as caring for my spiritual self, and the former is something i have a bit of power over, just for today.

∞ DT ∞