Blog entry for:

...no matter who happens to be involved. looking over my entry from last year, i amazed how quickly i can feel that anger once again. the truly sad part is this person purports to care about me, and yet i have not heard from them since last April. even at convention and a shared service commitment, they strangely quiet. cordial, but quiet and it make me wonder how many of my peers, friends and acquaintances i treat in the same fashion.
i of course can run through my list of excuses, rationalizations and justifications -- well to take off the window dressing those fVcking lies i tell myself that -- soothes my guilty conscience, and move on. OR as i am doing this morning i can tale the example of how i am being treated to look at how i am treating others. there is of course the biggest lie of all, they have not contacted me either, am i supposed to reach out to those i care about and let them know that I DO STILL CARE!?
the answer is YES, without qualifications and that answer comes directly from the reading this morning. it is my JOB to express my feelings to those i care about, not theirs to seek me out to find out what i am thinking. the person at whom i was angry at? well, over the past year or so, they have shown their true colors and i have come to disrespect them. quite honestly, i no longer see very little to make them worth the effort of any sort of relationship, save a cordial one. more and more i am moving away from NEEDING thew approval of those who have walked this path before me, and more and more, i am seeing the face of what sanity would look like today in my life. which is a good thing as i have a writing assignment that is still undone, that i will be going over with my sponsor on Thursday evening.
all of this is leading to a new way of living and that is what i want today from the fellowship that has brought me this far -- continuing direction towards becoming the man i was meant to be. part of that life is a leaner, fitter me, and while my plans have been altered by the arrival of the predicted wind event this morning, i am still going to hit the streets and get some sort of workout this morning, just me and the dawg. yes it is cool today that i can learn to practice these principles in all my affairs and it is even cooler that if i try, i can put these principles before the personalities of others, one day at a time.

∞ DT ∞