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genuinely nourishing practices and healthy connections, certainly sounds excellent, in theory. in reality, however, my life is not quite there, yet. it is odd this morning, as i sat and could not quite reach that place of quiet, until way after my allotted time had expired. when i finally got there, what came up, as i came back, was the notion that maybe i was correct in twelve-stomping those guys at the meeting last night.
okay, a small break, as i started this before i did my PT exercises. not a bad thing, but certainly out of order for how i usually roll.
the men at the meeting last night, may be volunteers to be at our weekly get together, but they are certainly a “captive” audience. the facility in an act of kindness offers them drug replacement therapy and lots of outside programs. part of the religious offerings are “forgiveness” rituals, which asks these guys, to delve into their past and pray for forgiveness. i understand the sentiment behind such a cruel exercise, as most of these guys are hardly emotionally equipped to so that, yet. i have strong opinions on both DRT and forced journeys into the darkness of the past, and do not approve of either one. i know that for me, and for the men i have have guided through the steps, that there was a great deal of preparation needed through the first three steps, in order to be ready to write about and discuss the past, in all its glory. i empathized with the emotional reaction one of my peers had last night and told the whole group that in our process, we do not even begin to dissect the dark, until we have a foundation upon which to build. probably scared the living shit out of them, but i see that is perhaps what they need to get shaken out of their gliding through their incarceration.
looking forward to the next week, i am certainly glad that i have no appointments next week and have the time to get some work done. a bit closer to home is the meeting with the latest man to ask me to sponsor him. i am not sure how that will go, but i am going to let go of the possibilities and just see what happens. i have already changed the where we will be meeting to give us a bit more privacy and perhaps allow me to ponder our discussion while enjoying a cigar. of this i am certain: i am carrying in, garbage from our past interactions and i am going to need more than a little bit of strength from the POWER that fuels my recovery to be kind, open-minded and willing to listen with an open heart.

∞ DT ∞