๐ as one of the ๐
Posted: Thu, Oct 25, 2018 07:26:29 AM
cornerstones of my recovery journey, but do i really take the notion of principles before personalities, seriously? when all is said and done, the answer to that query is i am probably doing better than i think in living up to that ideal. that does not mean by any stretch of the imagination i am doing this part of my recovery gig, perfectly, 100% of the time.
as i was sitting in the meeting last night, listening to what was being shared, i wanted to chime and and rain on more than a few newcomer parades. by choosing to be quiet, rather than pointing out that at twenty-seven days clean, an apology is not an amends, and that ANY addict, whether or not they are “allies,” are welcome at ANY meeting of the fellowship. most of all, what i was least impressed with was the number of the newer members crowing about how they had “grown” with less than six months clean. yes i was quite judgemental and made a decision to keep that stuff to myself, instead of poisoning the well, as it were. soon enough they will what living life in recovery is all about, and if they make it through the transition from “pink cloud” to life on life's terms, i will be saying, “i told you so.”
for me, the most important lesson of the past twenty-four, was wondering why i took three days to take care of a mess i made on Sunday, even after it popped-up on my TENTH STEP every single night? i mean seriously, WTF is wrong with me, that i can swallow all the feelings around not taking care of my shite. it did not keep me up at night, but owning that i could not demonstrate empathy or even compassion, in that situation, was not something i had a very strong desire to accomplish. this morning, as i sat, i found that i can practice principles and put them in front of the personalities i interact with, on a daily basis. the issue here, is that for me, the principles do not come into play, until after i realize i need to do the corrective portion of STEP TEN and even then, i try to shuck and jive my way around that. in taking care of myself today, i need to listen more to my gut and less to my head, and if i feel that maybe there is a better path, well perhaps i could explore it.
i guess it is time to shower off and head on out to work. it is a good day to be clean and maybe, just maybe i might be able to see beyond what i think of those around me and allow myself to feel my way to doing the next right thing.
as i was sitting in the meeting last night, listening to what was being shared, i wanted to chime and and rain on more than a few newcomer parades. by choosing to be quiet, rather than pointing out that at twenty-seven days clean, an apology is not an amends, and that ANY addict, whether or not they are “allies,” are welcome at ANY meeting of the fellowship. most of all, what i was least impressed with was the number of the newer members crowing about how they had “grown” with less than six months clean. yes i was quite judgemental and made a decision to keep that stuff to myself, instead of poisoning the well, as it were. soon enough they will what living life in recovery is all about, and if they make it through the transition from “pink cloud” to life on life's terms, i will be saying, “i told you so.”
for me, the most important lesson of the past twenty-four, was wondering why i took three days to take care of a mess i made on Sunday, even after it popped-up on my TENTH STEP every single night? i mean seriously, WTF is wrong with me, that i can swallow all the feelings around not taking care of my shite. it did not keep me up at night, but owning that i could not demonstrate empathy or even compassion, in that situation, was not something i had a very strong desire to accomplish. this morning, as i sat, i found that i can practice principles and put them in front of the personalities i interact with, on a daily basis. the issue here, is that for me, the principles do not come into play, until after i realize i need to do the corrective portion of STEP TEN and even then, i try to shuck and jive my way around that. in taking care of myself today, i need to listen more to my gut and less to my head, and if i feel that maybe there is a better path, well perhaps i could explore it.
i guess it is time to shower off and head on out to work. it is a good day to be clean and maybe, just maybe i might be able to see beyond what i think of those around me and allow myself to feel my way to doing the next right thing.
∞ DT ∞