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is NOT my favorite topic. today, remorse comes in more than a few flavors. speaking directly to what the reading seemed to be all about, the remorse i felt and still feel from time to time over the damage i created in active addiction, is still powerful. honestly, i rarely consider its power, because the process of the steps, had eliminated most of the remorse and all of the shame, over what i did when i was out there using. even in the background, it sort of acts like gravity, always present keeping my feet on the ground and giving me reminders of what happens when i try and step off a cliff under my own power, BOOM!

Congrats Ronald,
9 years clean is awesome.
Glad you kept coming back, my brother.

i spoke of other ‘flavors’ of remorse and one of them happens to be the remorse i feel when i consider what i stole from myself, over the years of my using career. when i consider that particular form of damage, remorse leads to anger and resentment, and i truly hate resenting myself. once again the steps help, but more importantly it is living the program that assist me the most in dealing with remorse of this flavor. i see that i am not responsible for my addiction, and i could as i have heard form many of my peers, hence i am not responsible for the damage i caused to myself. i am a victim of addiction and need to exert all of my power to regain all that i lost in the many days i spent in a chemical fog. i understand that sort of thinking, and when i succumb to it, i have to remember that yes i was victimized by addiction, but i am a victim no more. taking n]=back my life from addiction means that i live in the here and now, and strive to have a better tomorrow, through better living today. instead of wailing and gnashing my teeth over what i have not accomplished in my life, i set new goals, take whatever strides i can in realizing those goals, and leave the results in the quite capable power of the POWER that fuels my recovery. living in this manner is my living amends to myself, and when i remember that today, i am doing my best, the remorse disappears back into the emotional background noise that is me, myself and i.
it is however, time to get rolling on down the road. i am grateful for the opportunity to go to work, earn a good living while doing something i enjoy doing. most of all, even though i came to my career late in my life, i feel no remorse because i am quite certain that everything i went through, i had to go through to get where i am right here and now. it si a good day to be in active recovery!

∞ DT ∞