Blog entry for:

of STEP THREE is a topic that once again, i thought i would be unable to wrap my head around. unlike the topic yesterday, however, this one made sense to me, after i pondered it for a very brief second. classifying all that i do to enhance and maintain my recovery as evidence that i am turning it over, is a very comforting notion and one that i can latch on to without any reservations. it is true that what i do on a daily basis is probably bordering on obsessive and is certainly habitual. that being said, i also know that when i slack off of my daily program, i get into places and situations that in which i would prefer not to be. my daily program , whether it is an homage to the THIRD STEP, a habit, an obsession or something else, grounds me, even though i wear shoes, centers me, even though i lean left and provides me a reservoir of patience, compassion and empathy with which it seems i was not gifted. in short, no matter the “why” the what i do is important to living my life clean today.
it has been a roller-coaster of emotions over the past few weeks for me. i am frustrated that my leg is not healing as fast as i want it to heal. i am tired of being second-guessed and blocked by my siblings over how i am handling the estate. i am sad that my spouse is still holding my choice of realtors against me and is not ready for physical contact yet. i am impatient about how long the funds that are now mine is taking to get into my possession. i am stymied at work over trying to figure something that should be simple, out and moving on. all in all, however, i am okay and better than merely adequate these days. i know that all really is well and there is nothing in my life worth using over or even buying a pack of cigarettes and smoking my brains out, over. all i have to do is breathe allow myself to feel the POWER that fuels my recovery and move along to the next right thing, which right here and right now, is to get the dawg out for a bit of a walk. it is a good day to be me, and even if it sucks to be me in a little while, as it just may, i know that i have FAITH that i will be able to find a new balance and move on, just for today.

∞ DT ∞