Blog entry for:

of achieving **conscious contact.**
not being a **GOD** guy or a spiritual guru, although i like to play both of those roles from time to time, i am not quite sure what i can say about my path to finding, maintaining and strengthening a **conscious contact** with the POWER that fuels my recovery.
before i get rolling i need to do a shout out:

Bernie C
3 years plus 1 day clean!
1096 JFTs
Congrats and apologies for the day late.

moving on, back to my spiritual path and how i do this whole conscious contact gig. first off, my path is a bit off the beaten track, even for for those who share a similar leaning towards the EAST. in fact, my direction through to letting go of my past reservations about completing the process, was the direct result of a sponsee, who has since moved on. his struggle with the deistic notion of the HIGHER POWER in the fellowship, was too much for him to handle. me, i get his pain and angst and because i was so FEAR based, for so long, i swallowed my objections and marched lock step into the WESTERN notions, with just a bit of EAST mixed in for flavor. the path to where i am today, also required me letting go of trying to be a part of, and fit in, at least where the concept of my spiritual path was involved. today i certainly meditate, but i am not quite sure if one might call what i do praying. sure i ask for the power to stay clean and express my gratitude for believing that power over the course of a day, but that is mostly to keep me humble by acknowledging that my ability to stay clean is not inherent in me. it is also true,m that i join my peers, in the opening and closing prayers, and send out my wishes for the still suffering addict to find recovery, that is part of me being inclusive in my spiritual outlook. for the most part, prayer has been replaced by meditation in my life and “feeling” the next right thing to do, is more important than asking for that knowledge.
the issue that kept my sponsee from being able to fit, is one that tripped me up as well. it was learning how to accommodate the language used in the fellowship, with the way i saw the spiritual path i was on. it certainly is not up to my peers to find the means to approach mew, rather it is up to me to find those means, so i can be a part of the fellowship. the journey in my head took quite some time, as i was working STEP 11 for over a year. in the end, it was exactly how much time i needed to return to the fold, as it were. sure i joke about being a “godless heathen,” but in my view of the spiritual side, it is more ironic than humorous. once upon a time, i would have been separated by what i believe, or even worse, putting on a front, eminent or otherwise, to make all of my peers thing that “i got this!” today i celebrate that in this respect, i can be different and yet be a part of. it is the difference that makes me who i am, and that difference is already carrying a message that what looks like a common concept, is far from being so. the message id that no matter what my spiritual path ends up looking like,m i am still a member, can work the steps and embrace this program of recovery, just for today.
time to hit the trail to work and to see what it is that today may bring. perhaps one of the bridges that i have been hesitant crossing will be crossed today. more will certainly be revealed and for that i am grateful.

∞ DT ∞