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but why should i allow that to stop me from sharing about my spiritual path? well for one, perhaps it is getting tiring to keep reading the same stuff over and over and over again. or perhaps because i have found a path that finally fits, my passion and joy trips over into arrogance and conceit. the fact is, since i awoke to the possibility that was always nibbling around in the back of my mind, i have had more moments of acceptance and surrender than ever before. i have found a path to balance in my life and have learned to take the “dark” with the “light.” he end result is that as cynical as i may still be, i GET to something a bit different and experience happiness, even though things are far from perfect.
all of that aside, what i heard this morning as i sat, and yes i am sticking to my decision to “sit” a bit more, was that if i choose FAITH over FEAR, i can surrender my will and my life into the care of the POWER that fuels my recovery. the place i keep getting stuck is equating that with the all encompassing TAO, when it need not be. there are certainly many powers that are greater than i am, not all of them take on any attributes of GOD. i can move forward in my path without having to define and quantify, which is a spooky place for this addict to be. every time in the past, as i was in the THIRD STEP, it became a place where i made some decision of what my concept of a HIGHER POWER was and was not. in fact, there are many in the fellowship who ascribe to the notion of at least a bit of definition. i took that as something i HAD to do and do completely, ending up with a concept of a HIGHER POWER that would never fit who i was becoming. now that i have arrived at that place once again, i need to reassert my FAITH and be certain that i do not have to compromise my values to move forward.
my life has a tendency to get real complicated when i CHOOSE to live in self-will and i have certainly been living in self-will up until very recently. that slow boil y=that i spoke of yesterday is one of the symptoms. my dissatisfaction with my local fellowship, just another one. moving out of the FEAR of what may happen if i allow myself to be okay with not defining that POWER and surrendering my will and my life into ITs care, is certainly a topic i can consider during my considerable windshield time today. it is a good day to be clean and a better day to allow myself the freedom , just to be, just for today.

∞ DT ∞