π€ of my understanding π€
Posted: Mon, Jul 5, 2021 10:32:31 AM
out of those three words, my FREEDOM springs, fully realized and without limits. many times i have stumbled across those three words in the readings, in the literature and in what my peers share, and many a time i quietly added: “as long as it is looks like everyone else's.” that was my sad state of affairs for nearly fifteen years, even though i knew theirs would never work for me, and yet i clung to an understanding that was not my own, is a desperate attempt to be part of. when i finally let go and allowed myself to experience the freedom of those three words, i started a journey towards finding my true self that has buried under the decades of façades, fronts and pretenses, that were my spiritual life.
that story has been told many times and was not what i heard as i sat this morning, nor as i trekked Mount Sanitas, just because. what kept bubbling up to the surface was a feeling of awe i have been experiencing lately about how all of a sudden, the internal stormy seas, have calmed and i am sailing on a quite even keel. i am not sure what is going on, and in reality i do not care. being okay and feeling calm, is enough evidence in my life that something is working and that something just may be the POWER that fuels my recovery. even with the repeated phone calls from a peer, who refuses to do for himself, did not drive me to distraction, for more than a few minutes. i know what he wants and i refuse to give it to him. i have invested in the recovery of other men in the past, often exceeding what they were willing to do, and i got scorched. these days the message i get form “on high” is to allow them to find their own way and only give of myself to the level they are willing to give of themselves. and so it goes …
i am grateful i can sit and get quiet time every day, even if it is “only” for twenty minutes. i am also grateful for the ability to “hear” what i need to hear and act upon it, even though it may not be what i want to hear. it is a good day to do absolutely nothing, but that may change a bit, as i am not very good at enforced laziness, these days, and i just might have to go do something, since i did very little yesterday.
that story has been told many times and was not what i heard as i sat this morning, nor as i trekked Mount Sanitas, just because. what kept bubbling up to the surface was a feeling of awe i have been experiencing lately about how all of a sudden, the internal stormy seas, have calmed and i am sailing on a quite even keel. i am not sure what is going on, and in reality i do not care. being okay and feeling calm, is enough evidence in my life that something is working and that something just may be the POWER that fuels my recovery. even with the repeated phone calls from a peer, who refuses to do for himself, did not drive me to distraction, for more than a few minutes. i know what he wants and i refuse to give it to him. i have invested in the recovery of other men in the past, often exceeding what they were willing to do, and i got scorched. these days the message i get form “on high” is to allow them to find their own way and only give of myself to the level they are willing to give of themselves. and so it goes …
i am grateful i can sit and get quiet time every day, even if it is “only” for twenty minutes. i am also grateful for the ability to “hear” what i need to hear and act upon it, even though it may not be what i want to hear. it is a good day to do absolutely nothing, but that may change a bit, as i am not very good at enforced laziness, these days, and i just might have to go do something, since i did very little yesterday.
∞ DT ∞