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some purpose to my **words of wisdom?** a year ago, i mused about how it might be possible for a cynic such as myself to have a positive attitude. the conclusion i came to then, and i still stand by today, is that being positive and being a cynic are not mutually exclusive events. sure, i may see the storm clouds on the horizon, on those perfectly clear days, and take measures to counter their influence, that does not mean i stay home “just in case.” in fact a bit of preparation, even if the storm never arrives, is not a bad activity.
when it comes to sharing with my peers, in meetings and one-on-one, i hardly ever gloss over the clouds i see on their horizon, and it sometimes seems that they see me as some sort of Gloomy Gus.😢 😢 😢 the fact is, i only offer my opinion when asked, and more times than notm, that opinion is based solely on my Experience, Strength and Hope. it is true, as i told a man i sponsor yesterday, that it is the 6TH Step that seems to be the addict's kryptonite and and not the 4th and 5th. in my experience more of the men i have sponsored have relapsed sitting on Step 6, than any other STEP. i could put forth theories or ascribe motives, but to what end, the fact is just that and the warning i gave yesterday was not a prophecy or a prediction, it was a mere stating of the facts. there was a purpose to my so-called “words of wisdom,” and i was not just speaking to hear myself speak.
that same sort of dictum holds true, when i share in meetings. i do not paint the life of a recovering addict as some sort walk in the park, rainbow-filled, journey. there may actually be an addict or two, who does see their lives and their recovery journey in that matter, and to them i tip my hat. my recovery, specifically has been a hard won journey, that i have to put some effort into, on a daily basis. coming to believe, is an ongoing process that has created more than a moment or two of angst, especially when it appears that the spiritual path that is opening up for me, is not compatible with the fellowship that has given me this new manner of living. the fact is, at least for me, recovery has required effort and energy and the pay-off may not always feel like the best thing in the world for me. recovery is its own reward and sometimes that sucks. i want accolades, medals and validation that my effort is paying off, and hardly ever receive any from the other 85%, after all, they see not using as normal.
the whine could go on, but the point i am making is that a “positive” attitude for me, does not me plastering over he pain and effort with a smile and a string of clichés, slogans and bumpers stickers, i leave that task for others. a “positive” message and attitude, to me, means that i keep doing the next right thing, even if nobody notices and do not bring attention to that fact. a “positive” attitude to me, means that i CHOOSE to live a program of recovery and not just pay lip service to the spiritual principles, i demonstrate by my actions, rather than by my words what that means. when all is said and done, i can say that i am grateful that i put in the effort today, to stay clean and become a bit better version of me, and i may not have a “good report,” but i can say that i have HOPE that this addict will do his best to live this day in a manner that does not require a 10TH Step correction. it is a good day to be clean.

∞ DT ∞