Blog entry for:

or the solution? always a fair question and certainly one that i often try and avoid, at all costs. so, before i decided to take my **power** walk, i had this whole little ditty mapped out in my head about how the power of positive thinking is just a fantasy and that the world will be the world no matter how hard i try and spin it in a positive manner. as i pounded out the hits across through the neighborhood, it came to me that what is started here with my seed was actually a better fit for what i felt as i sat this morning. i may not get this completed before i have to pay attention to work, but that too will be what it will be.
when i was using, i did not believe i had any problems, so getting high was a solution for life on its own terms. when i came to the rooms, getting high could no longer be my solution as now i had a REAL problem, the 20th Judicial District and the full weight of their legal apparatus upon me. the problem as i saw it , was how was i going to be able to use and comply with the terms of their punishment, at the same time. my solution was willful abstinence until i got freed from those chains. the program and the fellowship was how i implemented that solution and i went merrily on my way, tripping towards the day that could once again get high. unlike some of my peers, who are “no matter what, for the rest of my life,” kind of recovering addicts, i do not go there, and would never tattoo my clean date on my body. i have managed to see that the problem is not legal, physical or emotional, no my problem is that i am an addict and addiction is a condition that will not be going away, any time soon. just for today, my solution to that problem is an application of the program that has come down to me from my predecessors.
okay there is the yippy-skippy part, the issue i have with the reading is this whole chicken egg argument. here is actually no solution needed until a problem is revealed. it is odd, that is a “brand new” idea to me, as it is plainly obvious. there is no way any solution can exist as more than an abstract, unless a problem has been revealed. living in the “solution” means that i have a choice to live in the problem, no matter how ill-defined it may be. here there is no question about what has to come first and the problem i see today, at least in my life, is that addiction warps all that i see and think. living a program of recovery, is the solution to that problem. on that note, i think it is time to post this to the interwebs and get ready for my presentation this morning.

∞ DT ∞