Blog entry for:

well at least just for today and only if my will does not get in the way. that being said, i sit here pondering the true import of that statement. and as i switch from task to another i have a chance to fully digest what i want to say today.
i would love to say that when i came to this fellowship i found it brimming over with kind and loving members, who were ready to give me the shirts off their backs. what i found was a freak show! not because the rooms were full of freaks, but because i only saw the differences and felt that i had nothing in common with anyone there.
the actual truth of what i found, was actually something in between.
when i finally opened my mind and my heart what i discovered was yes the rooms were filled with loving people in recovery, most of whom were prepared to give me all that they had been given in recovery and that they were not so much different than myself.
going through life, using and feeling alone and unique, had left me very unprepared for the gifts of recovery but no one said that i belonged elsewhere or to go away and not come back. yes it is true that no one offered me the shirt off their backs but what they offered was so much more -- a hand up from the ravages of my addiction. they offered me a kind word and told me that i never had to feel alone again. that if i chose to accept the gifts that they were offering, that i too, would have something to give. and that i would willing give it away.
i may not always be the most spiritual of friends, i still possess free will and the ability to form and hold resentments -- DAMMIT. but i can be so much more than i was, a person that is not only learning how to build and nurture my friendships, but is willing to learn how to do it better. after all recovery is a process and i am a work in progress!
∞ DT ∞