๐ค the lonely ๐ฅ
Posted: Tue, Nov 16, 2021 06:20:02 AM
gap of alienation in my heart is being bridged by my relationships in recovery and although i want to add a HUGE BUT here, the fact is, i am N.eve A.lone, these days. oops there i go again. it is always interesting to me, to uncover who has my back and who just makes noises as if they have my back. back in the day, it was often far too late for me to make accommodations, as i found out when i got shafted. these days, not only do i run with a better crowd and am a whole lot more trusting, i am also present for what is going on in my life. no matter what some may say, their actions speak a whole lot louder than their condescending, patronizing words, that are meant to soothe my savage breast, but ends up making me more angry than when i started.
well,i went off the rails a bit there, that is the unfortunate part of being a part of something greater than myself, i have to deal with some who just do not listen and believe they have some sort of divine right, to do as they please. it is interesting that as i sat this morning, something came up from the speaker on Saturday night, that got all sorts of sirens going in my head. what they said, and i paraphrase, is that they give much more than they receive. the blaring klaxons are not a judgement on my part, but a call to action for me. am i expecting more and getting less? am i supposed to be paying attention so i can weigh the balance between what i give and what i get? OR does even considering those questions draw me down into a selfish, self-centered and over-entitled state of being, that alienates me from the peers, friends, loved ones and acquaintances, that fill my life today? with my current state of spiritual fitness, it is certainly not a bad notion to consider. where once i would blithely venture where i should not go, today i am okay with owning the fact that this is certainly a topic for consideration. the answer to my questions above, when i look at it through the lens of my life, is that i GET much more than i GIVE and as a result, i need to keep giving, even though i will never, ever balance those scales.
just for today, i can go forward into my day, get some mileage and steps in and be okay knowing that doing the best i can with what i got, is better than i ever did before. it is a good day to celebrate a fantasy football victory, plot my way to domination and live another day clean.
well,i went off the rails a bit there, that is the unfortunate part of being a part of something greater than myself, i have to deal with some who just do not listen and believe they have some sort of divine right, to do as they please. it is interesting that as i sat this morning, something came up from the speaker on Saturday night, that got all sorts of sirens going in my head. what they said, and i paraphrase, is that they give much more than they receive. the blaring klaxons are not a judgement on my part, but a call to action for me. am i expecting more and getting less? am i supposed to be paying attention so i can weigh the balance between what i give and what i get? OR does even considering those questions draw me down into a selfish, self-centered and over-entitled state of being, that alienates me from the peers, friends, loved ones and acquaintances, that fill my life today? with my current state of spiritual fitness, it is certainly not a bad notion to consider. where once i would blithely venture where i should not go, today i am okay with owning the fact that this is certainly a topic for consideration. the answer to my questions above, when i look at it through the lens of my life, is that i GET much more than i GIVE and as a result, i need to keep giving, even though i will never, ever balance those scales.
just for today, i can go forward into my day, get some mileage and steps in and be okay knowing that doing the best i can with what i got, is better than i ever did before. it is a good day to celebrate a fantasy football victory, plot my way to domination and live another day clean.
∞ DT ∞