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and i do not mean the wonderful theory by the genius Albert Einstein, that is still way beyond me after all how can time be different for a person on a train zooming past a farmer in his field and that farmer watching the train zoom past? no what i am talking about is what came to me as i was pondering the reading this morning. that the process of coming to believe actually leads to bouts of sane behavior, and that sane behavior is evidence that the process is working. actually that concept is not much easier to get a handle on than quantum physics. the process is a tight feedback loop altering the reality of the situation. the hope in that statement is that i am less insane just by accepting the fact that i am insane, and coming to believe that i can be restored to sanity.
way, way too much for my little human brain this morning, although in a very real sense i can see that process occurring in the way i deal with life in general and my relationships specifically.
what exactly does that look like for me? well for one i can now see when the part of myself i call my disease is active in my life and take the steps necessary to be relieved of that bit of insanity. although i may accept that i am acting-out and misbehaving in general, i do not have to be happy about it, nor do i have to continue doing the same things expecting different results. i have a way off that particular treadmill, namely the process of the second step. it really is amazing to have choices today, recognize them and make the changes needed to live out these new choices. and that realization in of itself is evidence of some sort of restoration to sanity, the self-fulfilling prophecy of the second step made real once more. does that mean i am sane today? well not really, but i believe that i can be restored to sanity and i accept that there is a process and a power that will accomplish that, so i am more sane today. since i suffer from a condition of one is too many and a thousand never enough, i guess getting and using one more sane behavior today will feed that need, at least just for today!
∞ DT ∞