๐ noticing the change, ๐
Posted: Sat, Jan 5, 2019 02:49:52 PM
is certainly part of what i DESIRE to see from those around me, unfortunately i am often to obsessed with doing what i THINK makes me look good, that it is hard for them to see anything else.
today was not at all how i expected this day to play out and at 1:30 PM, i am almost ready to run and hide, before self-will drives me further into a hole. the way i want the rest of the day to go? a nice long run, a shower, football, dinner with my sweetie and more football. i did not expect to have to change a flat, but two tires, go to three different grocery stores or deal with yet another Mexican Time-Share scammer. ironically, nothing is f*cked as i am sitting here, pounding out this ditty and getting mentally prepared for 3½ miles of sheer running bliss!
i survived my “cheat day” with only a minor craving on Thursday. the idea that maybe tomorrow i might be able to enjoy a cigar as i drive down south, popped into my head this afternoon. that i know is the part of me i call addiction rearing its ugly head. after i pass the test and am free to do whatever for the next year, will certainly be the real test. honestly tough, i did not find that cigar on Wednesday all that tasty and enjoyable, as i imagined it would be. ironic how that worked out, all that anticipation to a very anti-climatic kind of result. and so it goes…
so it off to the streets i go, without the dawg as she was not willing yesterday to do even three miles. life is not bad, and i have survived the slings and arrows of my own will run riot, just for right now. the time has come to let go and allow myself the freedom to go to a place where i have no thoughts, just pounding out the steps and hearing the vocal stylings of Neil Young in my head.
today was not at all how i expected this day to play out and at 1:30 PM, i am almost ready to run and hide, before self-will drives me further into a hole. the way i want the rest of the day to go? a nice long run, a shower, football, dinner with my sweetie and more football. i did not expect to have to change a flat, but two tires, go to three different grocery stores or deal with yet another Mexican Time-Share scammer. ironically, nothing is f*cked as i am sitting here, pounding out this ditty and getting mentally prepared for 3½ miles of sheer running bliss!
i survived my “cheat day” with only a minor craving on Thursday. the idea that maybe tomorrow i might be able to enjoy a cigar as i drive down south, popped into my head this afternoon. that i know is the part of me i call addiction rearing its ugly head. after i pass the test and am free to do whatever for the next year, will certainly be the real test. honestly tough, i did not find that cigar on Wednesday all that tasty and enjoyable, as i imagined it would be. ironic how that worked out, all that anticipation to a very anti-climatic kind of result. and so it goes…
so it off to the streets i go, without the dawg as she was not willing yesterday to do even three miles. life is not bad, and i have survived the slings and arrows of my own will run riot, just for right now. the time has come to let go and allow myself the freedom to go to a place where i have no thoughts, just pounding out the steps and hearing the vocal stylings of Neil Young in my head.
∞ DT ∞