Blog entry for:

failing to accept my responsibilities at home, i am not practicing these principles in all my affair.
practicing the spiritual principles at home as well as on the street and in the rooms is difficult for the best of us, and i often fall short of the ideal. the entry today while mentioning the twelfth step, i only referring to it obliquely, what spoke to me was the need to balance my daily maintenance of my recovery with my responsibilities in my home. i am not talking about washing the dishes, feeding the dog or mowing the lawn, although those count also. no what i am talking about is being present, caring and loving with the woman with whom i am sharing my life. for me. time is my most precious commodity, and dividing it between work, recovery, and relaxation is difficult enough. somewhere i NEED to find the time to share myself with my partner, and in more cases than not, she ends up with the short end of the deal. in fact sometimes i find it difficult to be present with her even when i am physically sharing space with her. i understand that this is a problem that even those who do not face the disease of addiction struggle with also. in my case it is slightly more acute, because i NEED spend time working on keeping the disease of addiction arrested. so while recovery gives the ability to be a part of her life, and the tools to share myself openly and honestly with her, it also requires that i spend time maintaining it, so once again i am faced with the choice of what to do! the simple answer is sleep less, and i will have more hours to divvy up between all my responsibilities, and then of course i hear that i know how to make that happen chemically, sleeping less that is. so the slide down the slippery slope begins.
no what i believe i will do today is make the best use of the time i have and do my utmost best to fulfill all that is expected of me today and see what happens. and just a side note, it is my expectations of myself that are the hardest to fulfill, but that is a topic for yet another day!

∞ DT ∞