Blog entry for:

with whom i share my life seem to notice the difference in me as i become for spiritually, emotionally and physically fit. others, however seem to live in their lonely world of smoke and mirrors, oblivious to the changes that have manifest in me over the past nine thousand two hundred and forty eight days. in fact when they speak of me to my spouse they often use a “my and mine” when they refer to me, as if i was some object they “own.” to me, this disrespect has risen to the point where it is better for me to say nothing, and i mean absolutely nothing, when i am in the presence than saying what is on my mind, no matter how honest it may be. as i move into a state of acceptance about how they see their life and what they believe they are entitled to, i am certain that i will continue to withdraw more and more and become learn how to prattle on about the weather and the state of the world, as the unwritten rule that is strictly enforced in that relationship is to never, ever speak of anything real or that has any meaning on a personal level.
as i sat this morning, i kept getting blocked by what i had to accomplish today and what was my major impediment to doing so. once again i am “forced” into an unpleasant situation because someone lacks the willingness to care for themselves. i may not be to ascribe motives for their behavior but i can speak of how “put out” i am by their assumption that i have nothing better to do with my time, than to be their chauffeur. the time i spend on the task tomorrow was something i was respectfully asked by my spouse to take care of and i agreed to do so. today's little jaunt was nowhere close to that same level, it was a demand from “on-high” and i have yet to learn to be gracious about stuff that is foisted upon me, with little to no warning. what i am apt to say, in situations such as these is, it is what it is and railing against that which will not or cannot change will not do me a whole lot of good, except the release of the raw emotions that i feel which are anger, pity, disappointment and sadness.
putting aside all of that and coming back into what i need in the here and now, it is time for me to get some physical activity under my belt. when i consider how far i have come and how much home and my life with others means to me today, i know that when i stop respecting myself by expecting to get validation from those who cannot see, i am treading down a dangerous path. life in my skin is not too shabby these days and all i have to do is accept that as fact and move along, after all there is nothing to see here, literally and figuratively, just for today.

∞ DT ∞