Blog entry for:

living a program of active recovery, wondering why i feel something may be missing. over the past two days, one of my peers, keeps popping into my reality, for one reason or another. most of the time, i really do not mind having to consider what my peers are doing or saying, as that provides all sorts of **material** for this exercise. most of the time, i can peek at what is upsetting about what they say or do, let it go and move along. that was certainly the case here, when all of a sudden, that particular addict, interferes once again with my balance by imposing their will on someone close. in fact, if i were to turn the tables on them and practice their twisted version of “see something, say something,” the ensuing chaos might be a wonderful way to change how i am feeling. as tempting as that is to me, right here and right now, i can CHOOSE to let go, take my personal power back and leave them and their resentful, sick and twisted self in the care of whatever HIGHER POWER fuels their recovery.
back to my original thought about carrying an active program into my everyday life. i work in an environment that is very small and filled with those who are of the other 85%. out if self-interest i have been encouraging rather than disparaging my co-worker who appears to forget everything that happened today, the second he walks out the door of the office. the sad fact of life is he really does not belong in his job and has risen to the highest level of his incompetence. out of selfish self-interest, i have kept him from leaving, as my FEAR is that the company will not replace him and i will be stuck on call every five weeks. over the course of dealing with frustration, by practicing patience and tolerance, i have come to accept that he does the best he can, and when he gets stuck, staring at a wall, or driving in circles, is his default behavior. when i return to the office tomorrow morning, i am going to have to take his project away from him, in order to provide resolution for our client. i will have to pull the kinder, gentler and more understanding Don out of my bag of tricks, as i still am quite adamant about doing all that i can, to stay on six week rotation. it is what it is, and as i pounded out the miles this morning, i knew that would be the outcome. coming to terms with that, at least within myself was a HUGE step forward and when i go to work in the AM, perhaps it is time to allow the POWER that fuels my recovery to take the reins there as well.
the other part of my life, that i seem to reserve for myself, is the world around me, once i get behind the wheel of my car. perhaps, the time has come to be a bit more spiritual there, instead of clenching my fists, biting down on my cigar and screaming all sort of less than stellar invectives at the drivers around me. there is certainly a place to allow my recovery to take over and who knows, maybe now that the seed has been planted, something may take root. i can certainly be willing to give it a go.

∞ DT ∞