๐ am i diverting ๐
Posted: Thu, Mar 7, 2019 10:07:56 AM
myself from my continuing recovery? an interesting question and one i hardly ever ask myself, after all, i go to meetings, practice a daily program of active recovery, work steps, sponsor others and do service. so what could be wrong? this morning, i do feel a bit **off** and am wondering if i am putting too much pressure on a sponsee who is returning from relapse. i gave him an assignment and dropped that letter off into the mail and now i am doubting myself. am i setting him up for failure? questions, questions, questions!
it is one of those mornings where nothing seems to be going my way, and i am getting frustrated. what i have decided to do, instead of spinning, is to take a second and breathe. okay i am better now, the world is spinning as it will and i am doing what i need to do. the fact that i can be present for myself and for others is a good thing. the fact that i may not know all the answers is another good deal. the question i keep coming back to is IF i am doing all that and am all that, why is today, i do not feel whole, genuine or self-assured. i fact i feel like a whiny little brat petulantly stomping my feet and holding my breath until i turn blue. no matter how much of the “positive” i may be able to see today, the “negative” is overwhelming me and today i do NOT like that. as i sit here and pound out my dissatisfaction with myself and my world, i see that maybe i am not all that distracted at all. what i am is just not in a good mood today and the behavior of wanting to inflict that on everyone around me, is starting to finally fade. my success today starts with the fact that i do not want to use and will do whatever it takes not to use. maybe, just maybe, that attitude is affecting how i see my interactions with the world around me, and i am misreading how others are behaving, projecting my nastiness on to them. with that in mind, i do believe i will post this and move along.
it is one of those mornings where nothing seems to be going my way, and i am getting frustrated. what i have decided to do, instead of spinning, is to take a second and breathe. okay i am better now, the world is spinning as it will and i am doing what i need to do. the fact that i can be present for myself and for others is a good thing. the fact that i may not know all the answers is another good deal. the question i keep coming back to is IF i am doing all that and am all that, why is today, i do not feel whole, genuine or self-assured. i fact i feel like a whiny little brat petulantly stomping my feet and holding my breath until i turn blue. no matter how much of the “positive” i may be able to see today, the “negative” is overwhelming me and today i do NOT like that. as i sit here and pound out my dissatisfaction with myself and my world, i see that maybe i am not all that distracted at all. what i am is just not in a good mood today and the behavior of wanting to inflict that on everyone around me, is starting to finally fade. my success today starts with the fact that i do not want to use and will do whatever it takes not to use. maybe, just maybe, that attitude is affecting how i see my interactions with the world around me, and i am misreading how others are behaving, projecting my nastiness on to them. with that in mind, i do believe i will post this and move along.
∞ DT ∞