Blog entry for:
Sun, Mar 7, 2021 11:16:13 AM
🎆 my continuing recovery, 🎆
posted: Sun, Mar 7, 2021 11:16:13 AM
means i do not need to be a doormat to anyone, nor do i need to buy into someone playing a martyr. this morning, i had the opportunity to practice my values, while i dealt with both of those behaviors, from the same person, one right after another. i may not have wanted to play those games, and i did not. the thing i do not get, is they keep saying they want to have an “adult” conversation with me, but the have they TV blasting and their nose down in a game on their tablet. i am not sure if they have a clue at all, about the message that behavior sends, but it certainly has opened my eyes to my own. IF i want to talk to someone, i NEED to put aside anything that distracts me from the conversation, PERIOD!
looking at the weather report, i may not be able to make my trip down to see my sponse on Friday. what i am not going to do, is worry about whether the weather will be amenable to that drive and just keep moving forward in doing what i need and even want to do. as i sit with this stuff, these feelings and the garbage i have stirred up, i am getting a sense of who i really want to be. what i do not want is to fall back into the same old trap of lying to myself until i accept it as TRUTH. i may not be wholes, genuine and self-aware yet, but i am certainly not broken. it is ironic that i have nibbled around the edges of that realization for so long, and NOW, when times are weird, all of a sudden, it becomes evident. the theme of being broken, has popped up before. this time however, i can see that it has been part of who i thought i was for long enough to take a reality of its own. i cannot deny that reality anymore, because that barrier is keeping me from actualizing who i am.
on a bit more upbeat note, i decided that i need to have a few more “light” workout days than i have been doing lately. i may not be injuring myself, but i am certainly not improving my times or my stamina. what i think is happening, is that my body is too worn out, to keep getting more athletic, as i am well on my way to being fit. i have yet to settle on a number of easy-peasey days, but i think two days a week should be the floor and that i can accept without a single reservation, as i have the ability to once again run a 10K road race. i do see my priorities shifting and my desire to continue my recovery, still is on the top of that list. i may have been a bit slack on my meeting attendance last week, but i did not go crazy and i certainly did further my goal;s to be ready for the nicotine test that is coming up in April. it is a good day to get some stuff done, get the dawg out for a jaunt and donate more of my “fat” clothes to Goodwill. time to put this baby top bed and get moving on what i want to get accomplished.
looking at the weather report, i may not be able to make my trip down to see my sponse on Friday. what i am not going to do, is worry about whether the weather will be amenable to that drive and just keep moving forward in doing what i need and even want to do. as i sit with this stuff, these feelings and the garbage i have stirred up, i am getting a sense of who i really want to be. what i do not want is to fall back into the same old trap of lying to myself until i accept it as TRUTH. i may not be wholes, genuine and self-aware yet, but i am certainly not broken. it is ironic that i have nibbled around the edges of that realization for so long, and NOW, when times are weird, all of a sudden, it becomes evident. the theme of being broken, has popped up before. this time however, i can see that it has been part of who i thought i was for long enough to take a reality of its own. i cannot deny that reality anymore, because that barrier is keeping me from actualizing who i am.
on a bit more upbeat note, i decided that i need to have a few more “light” workout days than i have been doing lately. i may not be injuring myself, but i am certainly not improving my times or my stamina. what i think is happening, is that my body is too worn out, to keep getting more athletic, as i am well on my way to being fit. i have yet to settle on a number of easy-peasey days, but i think two days a week should be the floor and that i can accept without a single reservation, as i have the ability to once again run a 10K road race. i do see my priorities shifting and my desire to continue my recovery, still is on the top of that list. i may have been a bit slack on my meeting attendance last week, but i did not go crazy and i certainly did further my goal;s to be ready for the nicotine test that is coming up in April. it is a good day to get some stuff done, get the dawg out for a jaunt and donate more of my “fat” clothes to Goodwill. time to put this baby top bed and get moving on what i want to get accomplished.
∞ DT ∞
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
Another Look!
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¿ i am grateful for the good times ¿ 582 words ➥ Wednesday, March 7, 2012 by: donnot
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☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge
Book 1
3) Great, it passes on (in constant flow). Passing on, it becomes
remote. Having become remote, it returns. Therefore the Tao is great;
Heaven is great; Earth is great; and the (sage) king is also great.
In the universe there are four that are great, and the (sage) king
is one of them.