ฮผ maybe, just maybe, i have put some priorities ahead of themselves ฮผ
Posted: Sat, Mar 7, 2009 08:42:21 AM
do i remember where i came from, or have the **good times** allowed me to forget? well, sitting here this morning waiting for my breakfast to pass a bit of the way down the tube, i am struck speechless as i consider this topic. well, i guess that would be a lie, as here i sit, pounding away word after word, but as you can see i am not saying a whole lot.
as i look at what i did to get clean, and to make the decision to enter a program of recovery, i am struck that what i accepted i HAD to do, way back when,. is no longer part of my life. daily, or even twice daily meeting attendance is something i find i do not have time for these days. i rarely call my sponsor, and if there were not tectonic shifts happening on my inner landscape, i doubt i would be as diligent as i have been on my step work. the fact of the matter is that my life as it is now, is quite pleasing to me, and it is, as the reading suggests, easy to slip into some sort of **good life** stupor, and forget what i am, and where i came from. i have no doubts about what i am, just another addict living a program of recovery, and i do remember where i came from, and understand that i am only a single use away from returning to that dire situation. i also understand that i NEED to be reminded to remember those facts, because the desperation that drove me to the program and filled me with the desire to do whatever it took, has been removed or at least lessened to such a degree that it feels like it has been removed from me. it is hard to remember the first six months of my recovery, with the daily panic attacks and the constant bone-crushing jones, when it has been years since i have had the desire to use. it is hard to remember how devoid my life was of joy and love, when i have someone i cherish and love living in the same house as i am. it is hard to remember conning everyone i know for 20 or 30 bucks,, when i have a car, a house, and the ability to go out and buy, just about anything i choose to buy.
all of that is the gifts of that stuff that i had to do, back in the day. it is only BECAUSE i took a few suggestions, opened my mind to something different and became willing to give this manner of living a whirl, that i can look back on the horror of my past and be grateful for the material, spiritual, and emotional gifts i have been given. my reward for staying clean, and doing this gig? the ability to make the choi9ce to ask for the power to stay clean, just for today. all else is gravy!
in fact the time has come to sample a bit more gravy, namely the desire to age gracefully and extend my **good** years to the best of my ability -- by hitting the streets! so off for a quick jaunt around the hood and into the real world, and there is an extra dose of gratitude in my step this morning, because it is BECAUSE of recovery and all those meetings and calls to my sponsor, that i can do this gig today.
as i look at what i did to get clean, and to make the decision to enter a program of recovery, i am struck that what i accepted i HAD to do, way back when,. is no longer part of my life. daily, or even twice daily meeting attendance is something i find i do not have time for these days. i rarely call my sponsor, and if there were not tectonic shifts happening on my inner landscape, i doubt i would be as diligent as i have been on my step work. the fact of the matter is that my life as it is now, is quite pleasing to me, and it is, as the reading suggests, easy to slip into some sort of **good life** stupor, and forget what i am, and where i came from. i have no doubts about what i am, just another addict living a program of recovery, and i do remember where i came from, and understand that i am only a single use away from returning to that dire situation. i also understand that i NEED to be reminded to remember those facts, because the desperation that drove me to the program and filled me with the desire to do whatever it took, has been removed or at least lessened to such a degree that it feels like it has been removed from me. it is hard to remember the first six months of my recovery, with the daily panic attacks and the constant bone-crushing jones, when it has been years since i have had the desire to use. it is hard to remember how devoid my life was of joy and love, when i have someone i cherish and love living in the same house as i am. it is hard to remember conning everyone i know for 20 or 30 bucks,, when i have a car, a house, and the ability to go out and buy, just about anything i choose to buy.
all of that is the gifts of that stuff that i had to do, back in the day. it is only BECAUSE i took a few suggestions, opened my mind to something different and became willing to give this manner of living a whirl, that i can look back on the horror of my past and be grateful for the material, spiritual, and emotional gifts i have been given. my reward for staying clean, and doing this gig? the ability to make the choi9ce to ask for the power to stay clean, just for today. all else is gravy!
in fact the time has come to sample a bit more gravy, namely the desire to age gracefully and extend my **good** years to the best of my ability -- by hitting the streets! so off for a quick jaunt around the hood and into the real world, and there is an extra dose of gratitude in my step this morning, because it is BECAUSE of recovery and all those meetings and calls to my sponsor, that i can do this gig today.
∞ DT ∞