๐ the only one ๐
Posted: Thu, Dec 19, 2019 07:35:41 AM
what seems forever ago, my sponsor suggested that when i do service to my fellowship, that i do it as if it was a felony, keeping it on the down-low and doing my best to keep quiet about it. over time, that suggestion has morphed into a way of living for me, and these days, even doing the **next right thing,** is something that i keep to myself and do my best not to have exposed. i have to ADMIT for someone who seems to crave attention and praise, altering the manner i walked through my daily life, was quite a stretch. do not get me wrong, i do enjoy the feeling that is triggered when i get “caught,” i have yet to get that “healthy.”
this morning, as i took twenty minutes to “feel” what was in my heart, i realized that simple suggestion, made all those days ago, when i was whining about being part of committee service, led to a new manner of how i see myself. the simple fact that i finally stopped trying to be in the spotlight in the center ring and quietly slipped away to become a member of the supporting cast, started a process that changed how i see myself and what i truly need from my friends and peers. i am far from being truly “without name,” as the principle of anonymity implies and i still have an ego that likes being recognized for what the service i do for the world around me., i wish i could say all of that had been left by the wayside. these days, HOWEVER, i am not driven by the need to have each and every one of my selfless acts recognized, called-out and praised. i have developed a bit of self-esteem and what i do, is just the manner i live, just for today.
this morning, as i took twenty minutes to “feel” what was in my heart, i realized that simple suggestion, made all those days ago, when i was whining about being part of committee service, led to a new manner of how i see myself. the simple fact that i finally stopped trying to be in the spotlight in the center ring and quietly slipped away to become a member of the supporting cast, started a process that changed how i see myself and what i truly need from my friends and peers. i am far from being truly “without name,” as the principle of anonymity implies and i still have an ego that likes being recognized for what the service i do for the world around me., i wish i could say all of that had been left by the wayside. these days, HOWEVER, i am not driven by the need to have each and every one of my selfless acts recognized, called-out and praised. i have developed a bit of self-esteem and what i do, is just the manner i live, just for today.
∞ DT ∞