Blog entry for:

unless i act to make them a reality.
more than once in my recovery journey i have been quite certain that i was the **bomb** when it came to using the language of recovery. even when i was using, i could certainly talk as if i was doing this recovery gig. i have never had much of an issue sounding like those around me, and in the rooms, i made that same adaptation. treatment was a language lesson for me and even when i was behind those walls, i had no intention of staying clean, it was all about compliance and “looking as if” i was clean. i do not have any regret for what i did, as it paved the path towards becoming the person i am today. those days led to all sorts of cognitive dissonance, but never once did i doubt that using words to paint a picture that did not reflect my reality was wrong or something i need to apologize for, it was who i was.
these days there are more than a few of my peers, who exhibit behaviors that make me wince and cringe. as judgemental as that is, it is my reaction to hearing them share and watching them act, they are the example of what i do not wish to demonstrate and who i do not want to be. i know i am not the most spiritual, caring, or loving person in the rooms, but i own that and check my behavior on a daily basis. the one gift i GET from a daily inventory is the ability to go back and make corrections after the fact. where once i would try and justify my faux pas and sweep them under the carpet, today i have the tools to address them quickly and move along. i know that i can be a spiritual bully and today, just for today, i will walk with that knowledge into the cold harsh light of reality and see if i can choose not to behave in that manner, allowing those in my life to come to their own understanding about what is and what is not “walking their talk.”

∞ DT ∞