Blog entry for:

than quoting bumper stickers, is not what i want to be about, BUT, and yes it is a big one, when i **share for the newcomers**, this is where i often go. as much as i want to sound, pithy, wise and hopeful, when i strive for that sort of sharing, i end up sounding like someone i dread listening to, who does not seem to know how to share. this reading was not about sharing what i have in a meeting, as that was just for yesterday, but it just where my head went this morning.
i overslept by ninety minutes due to a technology failure, it is a very good thing that i was planning working from mi casa today, anyways. so writing this little ditty is exactly what i need to be doing right here and right now. i would love to say that i ALWAYS walk what i talk. yes i would love to say that, i do however, more often than not, fall very short of that ideal. i have come to accept that i am not a paragon of spiritual principles, nor am i some sort of recovery guru. i still judge others, form opinions contrary to group conscience and hear all sort of stuff about my peers and fellows travelers. the difference between what i do and what i once did is nothing short of miraculous. once upon a time, i would have spread all of that shite, all over the place, making sure everyone, knew what i thought and regardless of the damage i caused. what i did not realize then, and i have a much better idea of these days, is that no matter how hard i may not desire it, i am an example to the my peers, especially those that have not been in the rooms as long as i have. i can protest, in fact i doth protest too much, i need to just live with the fact that i am in the other 5% from my peers, and be comfortable within that reality. what does that mean? well for one, i have more “just for todays” and NEED to act as if that is the case, instead of acting as if i am a FNG.
moving along, what i have come to realize over the past few weeks, is that in my head SAD still equals BAD! i did not “feel” anniversary of Brian's ending or the day i was complicit in the death of Odin, because i do not have the DESIRE to feel SAD and properly grieve. what i got from sitting this morning, is the time has come, for me to get off my spiritual arse and do something to improve my spiritual condition, such as, write out my first step assignment. with that on the top of my To-Do stack, i think i will wind this up,head ouit for a cuppa and get my “home office” set up for work. it is a great day to be clean.

∞ DT ∞